Am I too old to be blogging now?

well well well..it's official..i'm an adult...wait..dont they say that when you turn 18..or 21..or 25...so i'm a little behind....i turned 30.....and what a better way to celebrate than none other than the lions den now politely called the 'wolf pack' in the one and only las vegas.....
las vegas with mary mahoney ( mini ) helen kaiser and joanna cuntoudakis...and mt and her entourage...this possibly cant be a good thing......like at all.....i get nervous just thinking about it..
i dont have enough time nor do you have the shock value to hear all the detailed stories of the trip...so i'll 'blog' some of the more memorable stories.....specifically the ones i remember the most...sooooo i guess i'll take us to the first night...scratch that...lets get to me waking up on saturday morning...i arise at 7:30 am..having gone to bed FIRST at a mild 4:30am by my lonesome..i am in the bed with joanie..when what is this i spy..oh must be mini coming out of the jacuzzi with 'Al' saying ( and i quote ) 'we just took a bubble bath.'...okay lemme grab a slice of pizza from the room service that i must? have passed out on last night first as i see it just sitting there untouched next to the bed.......wait a minute where's helen...( details details ) ... as a group we all re awake at a mere 12:30 noon and helen is back...i guess she took a mini trip to asia...but that's her story to talk about....so then comes mary and Al into our bed where the five of us giggle and discuss completely 'adult' type of things....however my biggest concern was what mary used to get the actual bubbles ...since the hotel does not supply bubble bath...as she said "i just poured all the mini shampoo and conditioner bottles in there and it just "made" bubbles...interesting to note for future reference...she also said that if you pour the entire bottles into the jacuzzi you will get "lots and lots" of bubble.....back to "Al' with the thickest Bronx accent....i mean four girls and 'Al' in one bed, being rather intrusive to a complete stranger...asking him very detailed questions....like 'how old were you when you lost your V?' ......but i gotta admit, he loved it.....in fact he loved it so much, he stayed in the bed for two hours....so then we finally get some grub, re nap...and then re arise for 'the big night'...
we start our night at the infamous Thunder From Down Under show....these male hotties have worse dancing skills than Club Med..but they sure were nice to look at....after this rowdy show...we head over to the Palms to meet MT and gang and went to Rain...super fun people...trapeze, fire, fog..tons of drinks...this is NOT club med...this is las vegas....
i spy the hottie in the striped polo...i then decide "i was going to make out with him" ( remember i am officially not 30 at the time, so i can still be childish )..... anyways i meet "dan" aka cornell...obvi he is from NJ went to cornell lived in boston for four years and now lives in ca..obvi my type of boy......but as i said "oh shoot you went to cornell, you are def smarter than me"....so anyways the night progresses on...and in my little head i am thinking of minis' bubblebath...wth? I want a bubblebath!!!!!...but alas the disney length of a line for a cab back to the mgm deterred that idea....soooo lets just say that the walk of shame in a semi wet dress at 6:30am through the palms was the low point in my trip...but I did acknowledge this to the doorman "i know, my dad would not be so proud of me right now"...but my dad wasn't there....and my girls back at the mgm would be proud of me..as i stormed in at 7am and told the girls AND Al of course..."aren't you so proud of me? i took my FIRST co-ed shower" ....i'll show them....lol....i mean it only took 29 years and to be in vegas....bahahaha....i realize people do this all the time..but come on...i'm "sensitive'...( note : my 40 co pays to shrinkie clearly aren't working... )
the trip continues on in rare form as joanie and helen decide to drink at the lazy river during the day on sunday....i could not participate as we all know how well i do with day drinking....it turns into sunday night when we realize that joanie has been rather mia since the morning...where could she be....nooooo....she couldn't have taken a mini visit to canada could she have...again this is not my story to tell....but lets just say joanie was 'learning geography'....tsk tsk
the trip officially ended up with a night out to Excess at the wynn....sans joanie ( she was too bruised? ) and mary not attending...yes you read that correctly...mary mahoney did NOT come out with us...as she was being 'responsible' and had to wake up at 4am to get her flight to go to her big girls' job back in sf....i agree people, she too is growing up.....
so thats the brief summary of las vegas...it's missing small details such as a shattered skyy bottle...a mile walk to get to our hotel suite ( every single time ) ..... a broken slot machine....joanie 'not using anyone for vodka'..as if she drank absolut...according to her, she doesn't even LIKE absolut......69 dollar bar tabs...."fassing ",. "BBHJs"....( if you would like to know what these abbrevs stand for and dont already know, please text me ).....helen's naked body everywhere....but these my friends are just minor details....sigh, i heart my friends...
thats all i got....in other mundane details of my life...now that i am officially 30 i guess the body truly starts to fall apart...as i went to a podiatrist yesterday...where not only did i get a cortisone shot...and may have slumped to the floor as a result ( i quote the Dr ) "you just have low blood sugar"....me "um you think? you don't even know"....but wtf you just injected steroids into my heel and you expect me to be okay with this...oh wait i opted to do this....but the highlight of yesterdays' visit was "you have arthritis in your big toe"....i burst out laughing, "um is that even possible?" you can get arthritis in your big toe?? i'm pretty sure that this has happened to me...because of my classic prank call line "will you rub my big toe real nice?" ...so i guess this gives my nickname of GMA a whole new meaning...fml....
so excuse me while i head to bed on this friday night with my kittie....and plan on waking up early to see if i am able to walk without a limp tomorrow and attempt to run a race on sunday..which i so eloquently have prepared for in these past three weeks by going to vegas....smoking cigs....and drinking wine....and blatantly not running........
run forrest run.....
omg speaking of forrest.....never mind...i'll blog that one later...but lets just say sd is 'run in' free from p mf forrest.....

The Real Housewife...of my kitty

i'mmmmm alive....i realized i haven't blogged in a while so i thought i'd sit down and entertain you all for the next ten minutes or so...yeah i know i should get a life....i pay a paid professional who tells me the same thing twice on a month on her couch...i get it people...
anyways...so i decided we should discuss my recent endeavors as a professional wedding guest and professional aunt...this past month took me "back to my roots" so to speak all the way back to wechester county ny/swanky ct........ohhh to be back in the boarding school scene....so my little "fro" was getitng hitched; obvi i was going to make this wedding...if indeed she was able to find someone there is hope for us all...lol no sers..i haven't seen her since our last blackout during our college years...i mean this was the girl who locked me in a closet for six hours one night in high school "as a joke" and the same girl who "trimmed my hair" as a favor and simultaneously informed "your head is mis-shaped"...the same girl who passed out at the Samples' concert....at the age of 16....i also remember her teaching me stick shift illegally...ohhhhh man.....
anyways so she was getting married in her backyard...the very backyard where i met the Mr. Popov ten dollar vodka when i was 16...oh man this was going to be good...soooo i realize that week that i would only know three girls at this wedding..girls who i probably harassed and pranked throughout my high school years...i was a brat..i get it..but i thought it was funny...so "fro" informs me "not to share a room because she wants me to shack up"...gezus sarah...that is SO NOT ME..i mean please...i dont hook up with strangers..loll..but she planted the idea in my head none the less....so you know where this is going....
sooooo the wedding was a nice mix of long island housewives and "young men" wearing navy and pink...sigh there ARE some things i miss living here in CA......the highlight was having the "gifts" of NY Yankees cozi's...only Sarah....anyways so after polishing of a bottle of wine...( when in rome.... ) someone asks me for a cigarette ( quitting tomorrow remember? ) i say no since i only have one...then obvi feel badly ( insert cronic guilt = please refer again to paid professionals' couch ) then give him one...introduce myself to "kevin"...what is it with "kevins?"....he then asks if i have a pen..to which i respond "do i look like a CVS?"....."kevin" needs a pen to sign some documents regarding grannys' property...i am like "huh what the f? are you taking grannys home from her?" sooo after a painful bumpy backroad ride back to the hotel where the after party was being held.....i have a nightcap...i mean one bottle of wine should be enough don't you think...but noooo not me, i'm in rare form.....so i am hanging out with "kevin" who actually is kinda silly and decide that we could make out....i mean why not....
the story might end there if he didn't ask me at 5am "have you ever seen the Real Housewives of NJ?" my response " Are you going through my phone?!" i am convinced he was reading my texts regarding this show......another quality show refered to me by my less than quality excuse of a friend Heidi.....well well well turns out "kevin colgate" is the nephew of the infamous danielle....so obvi now i can't get enough..and cannot stop with the constant questions...do you know Dina? have you met Dina? have you been to her house? but WHYYYY don't you like her?" OMG DANIELLE!!! i'm pretty sure he wished he would have kept his mouth shut by now...so approximately fifteen minutes later when i hear the snoring, let the mass texting regarding this begin! Lol i got a piece of a piece of the RH of Jersey!!
so in other news, same old same old here....due to the current economic recession Mini's room rent has increased from $69 to $169...the increase is also due to the fact that my new roomie is coming on this saturday night....yes i am picking up my new pussy from the airport!! she is here...i have only waited six months for this....based on the pics i have been sent, she is in dire need of a haircut..and diet for that matter....but thats for her new mama ( aka MOI ) to decide....lol can't wait to meet her.....
for those of you that don't know, it's official...mini is a "grown up" now..and has new roommates...her new roomies no longer cook her meals for her or do her laundry...they are also under the age of 50 too....oh mary no more mama and papa...she is a city girl now....which is good and bad...now she has more "free time" after work since she is no longer commuting....aka her alks consumption is increasingly expanding...
ohhh and last night was Heidi's big old bday..nothing too outrageous to report..you know the usual....typical shore club shenanigans...heidi falling in the middle of the road...being denied admittance into bubs.....me inappropriately texting any and all males in my phone...and then riding home on purple ana and while trying to order pizza from papa johns..( i was too late mind you )...
you know the usual crap in my life people...sorry this blog is on the shorter side...but i am busy "kitty proofing" the ljb...

Meow takes on a new meaning...meow

whoa babes.......yah yah yah i'm alive....so i haven't blogged...but wtf do you want? i've been "hibernating" again....aka eating my feelings...lol oh to live in CA and have EDs be so widely accepted...oh don't knock it.....you know who you are...and i know what you do or don't eat..lol
anyways fing slutty gretchy has been texting me incessantly to finally post a blog...wth..it's not my fault she is just now finding out how very boring office life is....i tried to warn her..but no, no one listens to GMA....
sooo i took a peeksie back and saw i hadn't blogged since July...go figure....i'm not sure wth gretchy would like me to talk about..it's been a while....damn the old skool Mini days seem like eons ago..well they were...time flys when you realize that today you are officially closer to turning 30..than you are 29..who me? upset...nah never....but literally yesterday i was officially 29.5 years old..hahaha..but anyways no ADD with this blog..lets discuss Mini's first visit back to SD....
She comes in November and obvi it's a party...people come out of the woodworks for her....i swear to you..but anyways a few drinks..or ten later....a run in occurs..no i'm being serious about this...OBVI a run in occurs..why wouldnt one? mary is here, and well it's me...i have bad luck..who do we see? ohhh why "dwight"...obvi his name is not dwight...but alas it is to be his new nickname..as in dwight from the office, since well they kinda remind me of one another...anyways i know dwight through biff...and dwight and i have mutual friends in the Bean..so we have been 'mature' since our initial meeting last summer at sandbar...for as 'mature' as two east coasters living in alcoholic induced SD can be...which pretty much means we have made out drunk, and dd one another each and every saturday night we go out....i should note i am not interested...i really only smooched him in the hopes biff would find out..and what? be jealous...pshhh..he wouldn't care..he's practically married to an unemployed 35 yr old...who me bitter? nah never...and i have facebook to thank for keeping me abreast on their status....but anyways so we see him at the fine establishment of Longboards in pb.....and mary naturally sidles up with his friend and i think? i suspect? shots were immediately bought..idk.,,,,any type of 'run in' after midnight can NOT be good....the next thing i remember we are walking to Dwights...and mary and friend leave??? and i am left alone with dwight...wtf...suddenly i dont feel so well...( no sers ) i try to pass out on the couch downstairs..but dwight aint having it..he really should have left me alone...next thing i know...we are making out...and i REALLY dont feel well...so i go into the bathroom where i proceed to 'give back' my drinks.....err yah this is bad...i puke all over his sink....three times...yet somehow think its kinda? sorta? funny...get back into bed...and pass out...and yes i just mentioned i was going to be 30 this year...this is the behavior of a 21 year old..anyways in the morning, dwight is being funny but serious when he asks me to clean his sink....i glare at him and inform him "i am NOT cleaning that" and i cackle...but hey could i get a ride home?? and letsbehonest, i wasn't even awkward..because i think i was still drunk....and hey where was mary now that i think about it...
sooo good to have my little angel back in san diego.....with regard to my mini she also came back in January....and for her five nights on her two visits back here ( one in Nov and one in Jan ) she has yet to spend the night with anyone who she knew here originally..ie. she was making 'new friends' each night back here in sd!!.....smirk :)
anyways in other news, i still have the same job..it will be three years..i know right...my longest job ever..but thanks to the recession, no one can afford expensive workout wear so it makes my job that much more boring...
being a homeowner is...interesting??...interesting bc i can no longer call the apt complex to come fix my clogged toilet ( whatever, i admit it i have a love affair with toilet paper ), or learn how to drain my own sink, etc etc etc...and the list really does go on....oh don't knock it, like you would know how to fix a broken breaker??? i suppose we could talk about the decor ( or utter lack their of ) of the LJB...i would probably be itching to move to a new city based on my prior history at this juncture of my life, but oh wait i have a 30 year mortgage..and will be here till i'm 59...no comment.....in my next blog i will discuss 'my neighbor' and our current situation..thanks to the wise words of annie she informed me 'not to shit in my own bed'...so while we flirt..and i somehow got so nervous and hit my car ( damage over a $1000 in front of him ) .. i will follow this advice..for the moment...but yes folks i'm into my neighbor....and i think? he may be into me...despite my poor parking skills..but whatever...that will have to be for another blog...
Besides i'm cautious about bringing anyone here...especially when i will have a new fat cat...no you are not blind...i am getting a cat...i never thought i would be saying this or actually going through with it..but wth..desperate times call for desperate measures...now the irony of the situation is that i did some research serious as in research about the cats...i dont want to bore you all with the details but girls with allergies cant be choosers......and so i finally found a breeder and passed the 'pussy allergy test'.....and gasp i am getting a kitten from Mamma named Aremenda..for some reason i deciede i want to see what daddy kitty looks like..and i found my kittys daddy online...i kid you not, the cat is literally 30 plus pounds...NO SERS...its true.....i had tears in my eyes when i saw kitty daddy....like it weighs more than the pug that i have so desperately always wanted....errr anyways....bahaha...worst case scenario, i have an arrangement and i have someone who will take care of her if her need be...smirk . i know a cat..and a fat cat none the less..i always wanted a scrawny plain white one..there goes that idea!!!...yah i see it now : a single 30 year old who lives alone...buys FAT CAT... i might as well stamp : WARNING clear across my forehead...ughhhh but wth..my shrinkie supports this..yah yah yah i HAD to start seeing her again...she shouldn't have 'left me to my own devices' for a year...bc then maybs i wouldn't be in this desperate situation...lol.....
so that's all i've got for the moment....i really wrote this for Grettchy....i promise i will post another one shortly...ohhhhhh fair enough..i'll post another just as soon as i call back pf...who people i must inform you all is moving...to North Carolina.....but no worries not until the end of the summer, so that gives me half a year to be a complete a**hole....and truly put an end to the ten year run.....i mean it started when i was 19 and soon i will be 30......meow..

Shitty Lesbians....

Whoa babes...as always I had attempted to start "blogging" this past month....but once again my undiagnosed add has gotten the better of me...Anyways alot has happened so I have to pick and choose some of the highlights...
I'll guess I'll start with my temporary stay at "lesbian land"....I'm not even sure where to begin on this one...but I'll just give a brief recap..my friend Kaytee had offered to let me stay in her 3 bedroom 3 bathroom apt while i was "in between" places...( the whole "in between" is another story ) .i was excited to live with Kaytee...just not her barking cat of a dog "gene"..i mean really people anything that fits in a purse hardly qualifies as a dog!. .now i must preface that I know Kaytee from the gym...being the token lesbian trainer that she is.....lol....i was excited it would be fun...her and i always have fun when we go out together....alas the weekend before i was to move in she found herself "in trouble" and wouldnt be the fun roomie i anticipated..however her "new friend" would be helping her out...who is her new friend you ask? oh i dont know, her now "ohmygodwearesoinlove" girl friend of about two weeks....and she would also be living with us...complete with her dog too...okayy...........this could get interesting...seeing that i didn't know "gf" since she had only been her "gf" for two weeks...
So the first day I meet "gf" as we will call her...she is shockingly completely normal!! So I start probing how her how someone from the east coast who had a bf for six years, went to boarding school could all of sudden be a lesbian out of the blue....she starts telling me her life story...and throws in something about "passing out in my therapists office when i was in college"...i mean like excuse back up please...and she explained that she used to be so starved literally that she would pass out in her mandated therapists' office....wow...i am going to love this girl already...hello does she not know the rules? you HAVE to eat before a shrinkie appointment...obvi.....anyways so "gf" moves in with HER dog too...its a scottie type of thing?? i swear it wadles and stuff...just as long as i don't have to touch it...should i not be tripping over gene in the interim......so please envision : "gf" and Kaytee in one room sleeping together with barking cat Gene and Scottie all in the same bed..with me in the next room.....
I should probs have prefaced this story that the whole thing that sceeves me out is NOT the fact that they are lesbians..as we all know i am one of the most gay friendly people ever...its more so that they cant stop touching and making out...its not the girl girl thing..its the hello you've only known each other two weeks, you're moving in thing! like hello is it because girls are pyscho as is and two girls together just creates madness?? But come on PDA....i abhor any PDA...let alone coming home from work and seeing my roomates going out at it at the kitchen table....but "brooke we are so in love"....PUH-lease you hardly know each other....i mean we all know how i feel about this stufff...
So on my first official night at the LL...we go out for Coldstone.."gf" abstains...( im not buying her "stomach pains" one bit )..of course as we are sitting there i see "a matcher" who "gf" wants to know why that guy is staring at me..um hello do i admit that he's emailed me on the match dot com...nah i'll pass...five mins later "gf" . declares that she "must take a laxative"...ew sick...that is a. gross and b. cheating...so needless to say thirty minutes later i find myself at cvs on a saturday with the couple when Kaytee encourages her to be a suppository??...that is simply and gross..prior to this night i didn't even know what a suppository was...i mean who voluntarily puts something in their butt??? but she does...and we go home.....are greeted by the smelly dogs and the happy family of five goes to bed.....Yep just another saturday night...and ps..i swear on my life we repeated this same process the following saturday night...
In other news...last week....once again ....we had an anonymous shitter in the store..the long story short being that....helen comes to get me in the back room telling me she thinks a woman peed in the fitting room....i assume it was a dog...since barking cat Gene has already peed in my room..i mean no grown woman would pee on the carpet in a fitting room......i go out to inspect the damage...wow there IS a puddle on the carpet in the fitting room with the balled up tee shirt in the corner...and the bench is dripping with pee...nice....i take a deep breath...i am in charge here and i will be mature....UGh...so i go get the carpet cleaner...when i go to inspect the shirt to throw away, as i suspect the woman used our brand new tee shirt as toilet paper...when alas inside the tee shirt is a mountainous pile of diarrhea...yep you read that correctly.....thinking i was going to vomit...i bust out the rubber gloves and properly clean the situation..we defumigate the store..i once again order new trash bins and the like.....so once again for the third time in three years we have an anonymous shitter...now the irony of this times' shitter is that it was a random woman whom no one recognized...came in and came out...all before anyone could check on her...wow...i'm convinced that the next time this happens to me ashton is going to come out.....i mean to have three different people shit in your fitting room at three different times in one year??? do you know anyone else?? because i sure dont....
Speaking of Helen...I'm surprised she is still talking to me....Helen being Minis' roomate and the third side kick in our group of trouble....but she doesn't always make an appearance..as she often is with her drug induced alcoholic boyfriend....I have been sleeping in Helens bed this past month over the weekends...as 'the orphanage' is more fun....than hauling back to utc on a drunken friday night.......so needless to say i've been passing out every weekend in the same room as mini since the entire wall of 'the orphanage' is three full sized beds lined up against the wall......tsk tsk.....i'm going to have to save those stories for another blog...because i don't think Helen approves of my actions lately.....so until then....

Mini is officially an adult....

Hmm...once again it's been a while...I've been extra ADD lately and blogging has taken a back seat...alot has happened in the past month..some good, some bad...so i will simply have to do a miniature "recap"....I re read my last blog...and realized that it mainly had to do with Biff..well come on now people..this is me, its been over a month...obvi Biff is NO LONGER in the picture..that would be too normal....i mean things were going too normally for a month for me to somehow mess it up classic brooke style...i would really rather not get into logistics about it...but i will share one of my more favorable stories with you all from this past month.....So my little girl mini me is all grown up and time for her college graduation..obvi it occur ed on one of the 14 days a year it actually rains in SD...so her family has quite the night arranged....we meet for "pre cocktails" in her parents hotel room...her mom being the qui essential SF Martha Stewart mom had all the drinks, salami and cold cuts... that any young girl could imagine...so i finally get to meet the whole fam..my attention focused solely on Kelley..well thats just something else that is distorted..sooooo after two drinks..we head to Del Mar to Jakes...the waterfront restaurant..now since Mary had lost her license the night prior and Kelley was still vomiting from the night prior, that left four bottles of wine to be consumed by myself, Heidi, and her aunts..yikes....sooooooooooooo after Sprinkles and four glasses of wine..( how was i supposed to know that equates to an entire bottle )...we are headed back to PB..now mary was planning on having a "house party" since the poor girl has no form of identification..her passport long being misplaced in her sorority house...so i texted the good old biffer who tells me to meet him and his friends at the Mission beach dive bar...i think about it for one hot second and decide sure why not? i mean i am only wearing a Theory cocktail dress and going to meet six guys..this is rational..i haven't been drinking....sooooooooooo i go....i meet his friends again with some new ones in the mix.....end up having a blast....some drinks perhaps a shot or two? who' s counting? not me...well maybe the bouncer who pointed at me as i was "coming" aka stumbling down the stairs..i was "asked to leave" now i'm laughing...i have lived in SD for three years now and have never been "asked to leave"..i find this hysterical..i don't even put up a fight...i totally acknowledge and accept this beefcakes' decision..i mean after all it is his job...so biff accompanies me out...to where?oh marys house of course...which is in full swing seeing that it is only 12:30...yah i had a good time..there are pics to prove it...i mean me brooke?make out with someone in public...as if! but i guess i did..Unfortunately for reasons i'm still unclear about, the biffer and i are no longer in communications.....something along the lines of me not wanting to go to Hoboken pizza at 2am..lol something like that..as of today..we are in "strained communications"...we are still talking? but not really...i'm not overly concerned about the situation because farm boy and i are going to see each other again..this is PB..we go to the same bars...man oh man...i have a bad feeling about that potential run in....oh did i mention? i had a "run in"....and no not pf!! puh lease iraq people... we all cant forget "fingerhut" yes that is his name...the boy who infamously i won a bet upon over a year ago.....and the irony is joanie still hasn't paid up..whatever..so i see him, have not seen him in over a year!! he accused me of doing drugs..which i found rather hysterical seeing that i dont do drugs!! but i got a good laugh needless to say...so he wants me to take his number again..but alas i have it saved!!! so what happens next??...oh yeah he might have gone into my phone and seen that his name is saved as "dirty ass loser"...OOPSIE..i just laughed, i didn't even apologize...yah hello? that prevents me from ever even THINKING about calling him...duh! In other news, I went to my "Portland contest" two weeks ago...lol....lets just say i was the girl during the 5k walk that stopped for cotton candy..oh did i mention it was a mere 45 degrees in June?!?! wtf?! Hahah...nothing overly exciting to report about the trip...Sooo back in the day when i mentioned I was looking for a condo...and put an offer in March on a "short sale" ( no pun intended ) I found out the bank accepted my offer two weeks ago...so for the past two weeks i have been dealing with loans, HOAs, home inspections, etc...things that I feel ill equipped to deal with....
So that's all I've got to report..I have one last month with Mini..no really..she IS going August 01st..despite my offer of renting my other room to her for $69 bucks....so in the interim we'll be cruising on our bikes...oh yah...my next blog will be about last Wednesdays' bike booze cruise..stay tuned...but whats important is that i'm still alive to blog about that adventure....

Sorry I'm not the most boring person....

Wow....It's been over a month I see since I've "blogged"....and I have some minor updates and comical situations to discuss....I would like to start with last weekends "situation".....sooooooooo the week prior, I had once again a bit too much free time and had also "forgotten" about the match dot com biznas which they conveniently wont let me cancel until the end of May...so i decide to re-check it out as I realize i hadn't even logged in over a month....so long story short....some decent looking working guy had "winked" at me....and well fast forward one week later we had graduated to "talking" every night over AOL IM...classic brooke communication...but whatever...biff is funny...and yes you read that correctly..that is not his name obvi..but unfortunately for him that is going to be his name for the duration of our ?? ..there is no secret story behind it...but i find it fitting.."biff"..... ANYWAYS so five months into match i officially met my first "matcher"....lol....so we met at yet another classy pacific beach establishment which boosts $2 you call its on saturday night...with our friends..at midnight...LOL....very "safe" in Brooke world....sooooo we meet and gasp he's normal!!! and cute to boot...and funny...so we continue to talk in movie quotes and attempt to out-quote one another which most people would probs find annoying..i've gotta give it to the kid...he def has me on my toes with this movie business...now if both of us could have only been able to retain that much info in school as we can in movies.....but to be honest it surprisingly wasn't awkward and i felt like we had enough to talk about, etc...so then he suggests Hoboken the infamous pizza place...so i'm like why not..it will save me from calling them an hour later anyways....
So we got to Hoboken.... biff and myself and his two friends...mary and helen are long wasted and gone at this point in the night....so once again each girl to their own....so his friend must be able to sense my "wild side" and dares me to throw a piece of pizza across the restaurant and attempt to start a food fight...um okay? why would i not??so i use my best derek jeter and hit some stranger smack in the chest across the place...i think biff was surprised and speechless...but HELLO i can't turn down a dare...now of course this guy has no idea who/what just happened as i make our entire table to "keep acting normal" so no one will know where it came from....lol....sooo obvi who should stumble in fifteen minutes later? mini obvi...i had left her over an hour ago...and gasp here she was with her "new friend"....she doesn't see me...and i let her enjoy her time...as i know i am going to be walking her home shortly...so after some greasy pizza i tell "my new friends" that i have to walk my friend home...biff offers to come...but not before picking up his beach cruiser from his first bar stop of the night..yes you read that correctly...gotta love san diego...aren't BUIs an issue around here!?!?.....so he rides his bike to minis with me and mini and her new friend...so back at mary's apartment....we have mary now guzzling beers, her new stranger? friend, melanie the ever so loud drama queen...who was def anger ridden that night, myself and biff....this is a funny set up...mary obvi NEEDS to put in What About Bob....where she attempts to quote the entire movie....especially the "i have turrets line....sh*t...fu**er....etc"...but she is even slurring those words.....not even five minutes later...we have Helen and Kevin come in where Helen is so obliterated that she cant decide to eat her pizza or McDs first...Kevin being the polite lush begins taking shots of Captain....and begging any and all to join in...now mind you it is 2:30a.m. and i have biff who i had just met with me here at Mary's apartment......I was a "good drunk"....i was drunk enough to know that this was potentially awkward/embarrassing...but not drunk enough to leave...so i attempt to put Helen to bed where she falls out of bed and takes down the lamp with her...oh well i tried...the night continues on....with Mary continually drinking and slurring what about bob lines.....Melaine complaining about anything and everything...and Kevin just being his general inappropriate self....soooo i text biff who is sitting across from me just taking in this whole situation....that i am going home...so we leave...where he tells me he will "give me a ride home"...on his beach cruiser...so i sit on the handlebars...and by god, god was on my side that night bc i immediately got off knowing that nothing good could have come from that...so since i left my shoes inside I inform biff that i will race him home...so i run..barefoot.....as in full out sprint with biff biking next to me back to my apartment..five blocks away..in my "little ensemble of the night..."...so then we get back to my apt..and .....oh god this has the potential to be awkward...
But alas...it really wasn't.....i thanked biff for a fun night...i mean..what possibly could he be thinking i have no idea..so we make out like eighth graders....and i go to bed without having to order Hoboken..and pass out to Brokedown palace...( Note : no drunken texts to anyone....keep reading why.... )
So I officially survived my first ( and since there has been a second...it wasnt my last ) "matcher" meeting..lol wow i am becoming a big girl....I am so proud of myself...LOL.....Don't quite know where/what to say about biff just yet.....as my mom used to say "we'll see" ( which obvi always meant no but whatever... ) .... and this "situation" was without the work of my former shrinkie as we officially broke up months ago.....lol i think she would be equally as proud...
In other news, our good friend who has been living in SD less than one year from his last deployment is now back in the tourist friendly Iraq...pf did text me at 6:15am to let me know that he was leaving.....when i asked if he was interested in hanging out before oh i dont know he went to war for seven months..i got no response......wow that was nice...but being the big girl that i am i picked myself up and brushed off the dirt...honestly....i can seriously only laugh...at least i won't be using up his text plan for the next year!!!
Anyways.....I also don't think there will be anymore "seanie poo poo" run ins...since our one and only sober mini hello convo last month...as my myspace creeping has informed me that he is now a home owner in downtown san diego...so def no more gym or pb run ins...oh well......this move is just saving me from a potential tragic mistake..
And finally I bet many of you were wondering why i haven't been talking about mini's impeding sd departure...oopsie did i forget to mention that one MINOR detail.....ohhh that's because mary has decided that sd really isn't that ghetto and going back to live with her parents "in the real world" ..would be worse...so she will be remaining in SD until August 01st..ohhhh "grown up world" beware...Mary is here.....so that obvi makes me beyond happy and should make you all very excited to know that more entertaining blogs will be coming this summer.....

I should have known....

Wow....I shouldn't have jumped the gun last week and blogged for the mere sake of full filling requests....I should have just waited and KNOWN that I was due for a "run in"...I mean it had been a while....and what a "run in" it was...
However we have to discuss this week at work..we have two pressing matters...one I can't really deliberate on..for fear of retaliation...but lets just say...one of my employees is NOT a fan of me...like at all..smirk...this is going to make for a fascinating blog at a later date..but unfortunately i seriously cannot discuss the matter just yet as the homegirl already has a lawsuit going on against her former employer..sweet.....sooooooooooo in other news...I am going to Portland Oregon. ( where we are based out of ) ..why you ask??? ohhhh in the ironies of all ironies...there was some "store manager contest" for the month of March at work...I sincerely didn't think I would ever win and originally had never even really read the communication regarding the contest.....it was something like "the store manager in the company who is the highest percentage over plan" gets an all expense paid trip to Portland to meet with the Corporate offices...( fun...NOT )....well you gotta love LA JOLLA for having an early spring break this year....BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN SO OUTOFCONTROL busy this past month...so busy in fact ..that gasp I won...once I saw that I had a legit chance of winning this so called contest about two weeks ago, i won't lie...i being Brooke took it one step further and would email the Corporate offices things such as "Cant wait to see you! Will my ticket be first class?"...so I find out today that alas I am going....I find it rather amusing that I am actually going...I am probs the most UN " insert company name" store manager they have...I mean I love my job...but have no desire to move up....in fact I just wrote that on my review..( and i wonder?! )....I like my little store on my little street with my little crazy girls....no need to mess with anything else....sooooooooooo i can hardly wait to go to Portland this month....bc we all know what happened the first time i was there for a meeting...but lets just say it involved my only ever strip club experience...
ANYWAYS, so i was due to go out this weekend...as i hadn't since St. PATRICKS day...soooo low and behold i couldn't deciede on any of the eighty million pairs of jeans I own and went with the tube dress and boots..always an easy slutty choice....soooooooooo mini and i start out a bar for a bday party..where we start singing lines from Just Friends...then Mini and I depart by our lonesomes..( why oh why is this always the case ) and attempt to get into another bar...Sooo what happens next?? The bouncer at the door gives Mary a sobriety test...yes you read that correctly....The bouncer gave mary a sobriety test...( is this a new practice or something in CA?? ) ..he had her hold up her hands to indicate a stop signal...and then say "1234 , 4321..." he made her do this twice...which obvi she couldn't do the stop signal....so much to her dismay she wasn't allowed in...not before having the line give her a hearty applause.....and mary was legit upset bc she got the 1234, 4321 correct!!!..so where do we go next?? the peanut bar obvi...
So we sit down where i start to order her water...i come back to find her eating someone elses' french fries..no literally the people before us apparently didn't finish their fries..and so mary was eating them...lol....we stay for probs about an hour and are leaving to go home.....after having a few frosty beverages in the interim...
When who is in line...none of than pat mf f of course.......so instead of going home which would probs have been best for all involved at this point.....we go back inside...and i attempt to talk to him...which he entertained for about one hot second..he didn't want anything to do with me...shocker...so then my other friend Kaytee comes to meet us at the bar and I point out pat mf f...and she being crazy Kaytee goes up to him to "make a new friend"...yah well..... i then heard her launch about what a great person i am,how 'great' i am, etc.... he mentions his gf or finance...yah thats right...Kaytee cant remember which one he said....classic...that would make sense......i mean is she the reason he avoids my incessant Saturday night calls and texts?? and better yet who is she?
so now it's really time to go...oh wait who is there? why the 23 year old of course...ugh dear god....we talked because i have the pics to prove it..about what, i'm not sure.....but i do remember throwing in something about his gf wearing crocs..............and people i had sworn to myself that i would never say that to him...whatever...
so i somehow get home...call Hoboken obvi...and while waiting for Hoboken...who do i call...why pf course..not once, not twice...but yes lucky number six times.....
This is not my life....

Wow Babe

Okay Okay so I havent blogged in over a month now...but I've been holing up by lonesome and not going out...so I don't anything to write about...okay cough cough that obvi is not the case...but the SD "run ins" have been kept to a minimum lately....soo I won't be able to bore you all with the details of those..although there are some "minor run ins"...some which include the obvi Seanie Poo Poo at the gym and PF at 7 Eleven at a "normal" hour...obvi had to jerk the car in reverse and dash out before he saw me...as i was still "recovering" from calling him 6 times and texting him 4 times just 3 days earlier...oh yah this was last week....( insert smirk )....but gotta hand it to the kid he responded during sunlight hourse with a "wow babe"...was too embarrassed to respond...um yahhhhhhhh
ANYWAYS, I decided to "blog" tonight with regard to my "one year anniversary"...what the christ is my one year anniversary?? I mean obvi i am NOT dating anyone, so there can't be any one year celebration there...however on March 27th last year , it's been "one year" since I stopped the self pity party...hahaha i would love to tell you all that I'm just kidding...but sadly I'm not....I don't know, I remember waking up one day last year and being like enough is enough....I'm done with feeling sorry for myself...so I took control of my life...and have made things happen as I would like them to...who me a "control freak" no never.....So lets discuss some important updates in the past year...
Um I am still at the same job...who would have thought?!?!?! ME?? going on a two year job anniversary..wow this will be the longest holding job that i've had since college besides club med...wow mom and dad should be so proud...and to be honest work couldn't be going better....yah yah Thank You Mini....and i've had the same assistant manager for seven months now too...but of course she sure doesn't beat out Lil Kim from Jersey who just mysteriously stopped showing up back in July...only to find out her match.com bf that she moved across country for got in a fight less than a month out here....who would have guessed that she couldn't come to work that day bc she was en route Jersey back home..( Sorry Kim i DO love you regardless ) .... I've actually learned how to properly staff my store and not have to do any work related things on my day off....and to boot for some reason the corporate offices love me...might have something to do with the old CEO no longer being here...he thought I kept a "messy store"...has the man ever seen my bedroom??
ANYWAYS.....life continues on....I even went to a doctor after cough five years...and low and behold got my very own prescription to "non-narcotic Lunesta".....FINALLY FIVE YEARS LATER....I knew I would love living in the state of CA..so when i finally go in to fill the prescription..it costs a $40 co pay for HALF the bottle...wtf...that means those little white pills are going to cost me more than $3 a pill...i better have some sweet dreams off those....oh yah and obvi all didn't go as planned the doctors....but i won't bore you with that....cough i find it amusing...and me being me will deal with that at a later point...
In other news life with Mini continues on.......( so i guess meeting mini contributes to my "better well being" in the past year" )...hahaha wherever would i be without her? ...we continue to be absurdly inappropriate and have non meaning ADD conversations. that most other people would never understand....o yah has anyone seen Just Friends with Ana Faris? You should see and hear our rendition...I'm not going to lie...her time is dwindling down here in SD...and she isn't planning on staying this summer...here are my choices...meet her in Greece for my bday or have her not go to Europe at all and stay here all summer? Most obvi i am voting to have her stay.........to be quite honest I'm not going to deal with that until June 01st...so typical Brooke...so if anyone who lives in SD is reading this meet us at Bubs...or Plum...apparently I get confused to which fine establishment I am in sometimes...but chances are we will be there most nights during the week....
On my last note I have some exciting news...I actually placed a formal offer on a condo in SD...yes that means I'm A. here to stay and have surpassed my city average of 2.5 years in the very same city..B. am an adult???....i cant further elaborate without semi freaking out ( insert Lunesta )....but I also cannot imagine mortgage payments until I am 59...literally....no sers 59.....i mean I cannot even plan out next month let alone a YEAR....so in my last ditch effort to keep Mini here...I entice her that she can live with me this summer for a mere $200 a month... I mean that amount doesn't even cover my Visa bill which I just opened an hour ago from this past month..in which every single charge was for a bar in PB....Not my life...as PF said earlier this week...WOW BABE......oh yeah and on Sunday bring on the Cadbury Cream Eggs.....i think that will be the perfect breakfast for my Stoli dinner and Hoboken pizza 3am snack...
PS. So since the 27th is technically my one year anniversary date...I assure you there will be a blog to follow....

I should stop going to the peanut infested bar...

I really know how to throw myself the worlds' best pity party......yawn yawn...and to be quite honest, i don't even have any major complaints to "complain" about right now....i mean life as a generalization is going good...so then why did i feel so "sad" all week??
Well anyone in the immediate entourage knows the beginning of the "sad" day..and quite honestly I don't want to blog that story in particular...so the week continues on with no glorified highlights....its raining in san diego..yes people it does actually rain here a few times a year..and cold...well cold enough that i couldn't wear my flip flops one day.....and it's january..so work is slow..so slow that my boss flew in...ohhhhh people i've got news...i mean lets be honest..this is the longest job i've kept since Club Med..reaching my 2 year anniversary in May....but lets be honest..it's bc i dont have a boss..LOL..literally i have someone "check" on me every 4 months??...i can def live with that..so she came in..stayed an hour...made some jokes...and left...i then received a thank you email...saying how much "fun" I and the staff are...LOL...if she only knew..i mean we all know that Mini is considered management right??..best decision i ever made...so anyways.....
The week continues on...I write my second ever email on the match dot com.....i wonder how richie poo poo is doing in icrap anyways....seeing that he still checks his match site..lol...but anyways back to hottie #2...I got the standard "thanks but no thanks email"...wow didn't even know that was a feature on the site....now this site is getting a little out of control...i won't lie...i get many emails and "winks"..now "winks" those are great..at least have the balls to email me...but what can i say?...I'm particular..and well I can find "something wrong" with each individual who contacts me....lol...i know i will be eternally single...but at the moment I'm okay with that.....so after feeling"rejected" two times in one week...i KNEW i should not go out this weekend..in fact i said "i shouldn't go out"......"it won't be good"............i mean i know what will happen....
So on Saturday.....I leave work early...was feeling so "low" i buy myself flowers...I got my favorite ones..starlight gazers..in case anyone is really reading this.....I go to the gym.....I come home...I am literally 50 50 on going out...i should not go..i should not go...Oh and i must add, Mini is not going out...She is "staying in"..yes everyone "mini is staying in"..why you all ask?? perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she went out last fri, sat, sun, tues, thurs and fri...and well since we all know she averages 15 plus drinks a night...oh right..did i mention she had been "asked to leave" from three separate bars in PB this week? now the problem is that the 3 bars are ones that we frequent...and so if the girl doesn't want to go out..I won't pressure her....it could be for the better..besides she met a boy....details in a later blog....
But Mean Kim T is back...and boy had i missed her.....so last minute i decide at 8pm fine i will go out..now i know....i am going to get very drunk..i mean i said i was going to get very drunk if i go out.....so i decide to "surprise" kim and i put on a dress WITH THE BOOTS..( mean Kim T. being the fashionista that she is who also met Mr. Marc Jacobs last week too )...now this would be my 2 time EVER wearing a dress ( and never with the slut style boots ) because you all know how i feel about wearing dresses out..but you know what?? i felt like it..and this is san diego..where less is more....( in more ways than one.. ) so we go out and we were having fun....go to our second dive bar and at around 1 a.m . decide to leave....so we walk outside..and i said "can we just look at bubs?" now bubs is the peanut infested place which i have written about before......but Kim wants pizza...( hey i wouldn't have to order from them one hour later)...so we are literally on the sidewalk...when WHO DO I SEE?
OH YOU KNOW IT...PAT MF FORREST....now i said in my last blog that i 'ran into him' at 7 Eleven.....um yah right..i called him that night.....did anyone really think that i bumped into him at MY 7 Eleven..i mean come on now...the boy for the first time ever had answered one of my saturday night calls....( see his fingers arent broken! ) Anyways,i have not called him or texted him since then ( two weeks ago ) bc i'm on some new weird "thing"...i'm done with him and his nonsense...no really people, i have had no desire to call him...and fyi two weeks is considered in Brooke time a long time not to contact someone..so now when i see him on the sidewalk literally ... i was like NONONONONONONONONO.....pat no...literally i looked at him and was like "no i cant see you!"
so he was like "brooke hey lets go into bubs and get a drink"...so kim and entourage go on their merry pizza way and pf and i go inside and proceed to order drinks....have i mentioned that i look like a hooker???...ugh yah he also ordered shots ( classy typical pf style ) so now i am beyond drunk....and as upsetting as this to write...one of the only things i remember was saying something like "i called you every single saturday for six months and you never responded!" ( at least i acknowledge my drunk calling ... smile ) ..... "you hurt my feelings!" ( can you tell i talked to the shrinkie sister earlier in the day... )... he then tells me how "mad" he was about the whole "mini pranking business"....direct quote "Brooke i was so mad at you i was never going to talk to you again!" Oh really patrick??? ..... i sincerely don't really know how/what happened next...i'm not being shady when i write that..i just don't remember what in the world we talked about...like at all...yah i know....it probably wasnt good...but oh well....i pieced together that i walked home ( alone )...made a pit stop at 7 Eleven..as evidenced by my coffee cup this morning......
So when i woke up by myself...with popcorn all over my floor....i was like omg what on earth happened?? yah your guesses are as good as mine...so i texted him ( one final farewell text people...cut me some slack ) "Um okay i just woke up...crap i was really drunk last night...and to be honest i only remember bits, sor if i was being an ass...."
This was sent at 7:32 a.m.....still no response....
Yah I don't want to know either....

Mini Skirts, Big Boots & Stoli Don't Mix....

Well she's back.....Mini that is...so of course I've got a "blog" for everyones' entertainment....now the irony of this particular blog is that this one goes all the way back to one of my first ever "blogs" written back in August....anyways......
Firstly we have to talk about this past week pre-Mini's arrival...I was feeling saucy on Thursday...so saucy that I chopped off all my hair...no really...I am calling myself Grandma Peter Pan.....my hair is really short...but as my niece says "It's just hair, it'll grow back..." Yes Madison I agree, however when you only have five pieces to begin with..it makes the process seem that much longer......So yah I chopped the hair on Thursday...I think it was in some sort of unconscience to meeting my realtor..yes you read that correctly...I guess it's time to grow up and buy a place....that's what adults do these days isn't it....now this my friends is going to be a stressful process I can already tell...let me just give you a tidbit..did not realize that renovations/upgrades ie. new countertops in the exact same apartment complex for the exact same unit could raise the price of a condo upwards of $50,000...um are you kidding me??? so when she asks if i would consider a "fixer upper" , I know we are going to have problems..bc no i am the least handy girl ever...i mean i don't even own a screwdriver....but i can't exactly afford cherry stained wood floors either.....but i can't deal with that right now.....
So Mini me came "home".....I got to see her ( or rescue her from her rm's Jim Morrison bf ) on friday...we confirmed our plans for saturday...soooooooooo yah...I must preface this story in that for the first time in three years in SD i decided to wear a skirt..yah i don't do skirts...or dresses for that matter..i mean we all remember what happened last time i wore a dress....and especially NOT with the big calf boots...lol i was feeling REALLY saucy....what is that expression? you act as you dress or something....so anyways a slew of us go to a bar in nearby PB.....where I also met up with the 24 Hour Fitness Crew....that was fun until I was informed that I was called "slouching Brooke"...i was rather confused but my question was answered when they told me that think its funny that i slouch and sleep on the elliptical...wow that is nice...but HELLO i HAVE to go to the gym no matter how tired i am..i mean i might see Seanie Poo Poo...lol just like last wednesday...( thank goodness he has not seen Peter Pan do yet... ) so anyways i somehow decide to be "mature" and not drink too much ( i mean i was with a bunch of trainers after all, isn't alks bad for the body? lol ) so mini and i go to the biggest dive ever at exactly midnight....( time to start drinking properly...lol ) not quite sure why we decided that we HAD to wait till midnight to go...so we go and decide to go next door to the peanut-infested bar otherwise known as Bubs..well we couldn't get in...as Mary had left her ID at the other bar, so after picking up her purse and entire life contents' from the sidewalk, as she was convinced her ID was hidden in her purse and proceeded to dump her purse on the sidewalk....we finally get back in..when we walk in and mary sees her "boy" from the Seanie Poo run in night...oh i didn't mention she went home with this "gentleman" that night...so she goes in and was "upset" with him as he didn't get her number...( details on that to follow )...so i tell him its my 29th bday...so he wants to buy shots for my sister and I...lol why these lies come out is beyond me....so four free drinks and 45 minutes later....he has bought my sister and I ( me being named Lydia of course )...i then realize that i am on my own some to get home...mary has a new friend...and fyi i have the pics to prove it...sigh how do we start with 12 and it always end up being just mini and I? and then just me?? .....
Sooooooooo i do what i do every saturday night...I walk home......I couldnt run this time since i was wearing the hooker boots...now i haven't actually been admitting this...but i should just let everyone know that i would guesstimate that i call pf ohhh um just about every single saturday night btwn the hours of midnight and four anywhere from 1 to 12 times a night every single saturday beginning in august..this is embarrassing..esp since he has not ONCE responded..and yes i do leave VMs too...ugh and yes i am 28...however sometime in late Dec. , pf decides to respond to one of my sober "day texts" ( yes people i agree you would think that i would get the hint...but no not me ) so somehow we start texting..well i should write, he actually starts RESPONDING to me..yah five months later...we are making progress...he likes my rhyming "wakie wakie eggs and bakie" text messages....so i guess it should come as no surprise that i somehow meet up with him on my walk home at the one and only 7 Eleven..oh my beloved 7 Eleven...this is funny..so funny tha i see him and can only start laughing.....i mean what do you say to someone who you apparently want to talk so desperately to for the past five months??? i was actually pretty quiet..well lets be honest...not really...but whatever......I won't bore you with the details..however I will leave you all with this one...."well you know I'm deploying on June 01st for a year...." smile...Ugh why wouldn't you be??!! Be sure to say hi to richie poo poo from match dot com for me.....so yah....i don't even know what else to elaborate on this one...i'm sure we will pick up right where we left off...aka i will call you on saturday night! LOL...i should have used that one...so i guess i will see you in what five? six? months??
That's all i got...this fab story complete with a bad haircut...Boy, I sure am glad Mini Me has come back to play in SD...life just wasn't the same without her.....

SOS

Sersiously...not to be like whatever...but here it goes...So I thought I would just post a generalized update on the past month without Mini....life has been relatively uneventful...wait i scratch that, but none the less I will just fill in the past month with a general re-cap and the brief synopsis of last night...
Some things to report on the last month...so this whole match dot com biznas..um yah no...i'm really not into it...like at all...i dont know if its me me, or just the whole match thing, but whatever...i guess i AM more into looks than i care to admit..but whatever it is what it is...however there was one person who caught my interest..now his deal ... is from NY lived in Mass but recently relocated to SD..yah you know what that means..marine much..but whatever he is hot and his arms are legit bigger than my head...so we do the natural brooke communication and start with email and eventually graduate to texting..lol...he is definitely really funny and i know we will get along...so in my little head i "plan" on having meet us out this next weekend..and to be honest, i think its funny he hadn't tried to meet up just yet..so anyways this past Thursday ( sigh everyone Survivor is on temporary break ) night we are texting away..for probably an hour..now mind you we are discussing gambling...like hello...does he not know that my sister is a shrink who works at a gambling intervention center?? so him telling me that he plays poker alot...so anyways mid "normal" texting...i recieve this "there is something you should know. The reason I haven't pushed to meet up with you is bc i am leaving for Iraq next Friday for a year. Thought you should know." Exact verbatim.....um okay Richie Poo Poo ~ then why are you on match...but wait ! he still wants to KIT via email...LOL...I hate match dot com ....
Soooo yah in other exciting news...Maria has agreed to go out this past weekend...this is major....I am excited....However Maria and I together can be not so good...I almost forgot about it......until of course I woke up this morning...so let me preface the story of our neighbor Devlin...he is hot..he is 30 something..owns the condo across the way in our complex...has semi-gf?...we don't know....but see "blondie" sporadically around..she is annoying...so anyways Devlin is hot and it's unfornuate when i tell you that LITERALLY he has only seen me very early in the morning in pajamas or late at night with Maria again in pajamas on the communal porch..literally he has never seen me with make up or jeans..its sad...we have only talked maybe two or three times, as i only see him EARLY and i refuse to even open my mouth with bed head....however this past week he stumbled home with "blondie" and talked with maria and i ( again me wearing gross mis matched pajamas ) and was wasted and funny.....so i don't know what came over me on saturday a.m...at aroudn 630 when i saw him with huge Diors, huge Abercrombie sweats and huge Northface , to actually talk to him when i saw him in the garage..me en route the 7 Eleven for coffee, him i dont know doing what, however i took off the shades ( this is major people ) and asked him what he was doing this weekend and he informed me it was his bday ( age unoted, we know mid 30s ) ~ so i invited him over if he wanted to drink with maria and i before we went out, he said maybe...well who shows up in our apt at 930?.....so anyways we talk...this is normal..I AM SOBER..he asks me why i get up so early..like hello does he think that i enjoy getting up at 6am??...i ask him why HE is up so early..and he cant sleep either...lol..we would make a fab match..he declines our invite to join us when i informed him on our way out that if he didn't come, i would be sure to bang on his door when i got home, he said he would like that...lol...does he not know me???....
So back to Johnny V's...where i harass the bartender in the back who doesn't think my little "i know you" joke is funny anymore..i really gotta stop going there...nothing good rarely comes out of that place..well...but whatever.....so Maria is up to her old antics...and has a man in tow....so I am forced to "run/walk" home...lol....I get home just as Maria and "guest" arrive with the new friend Tam...i order Hoboken Pizza..where they say literally "we will only come if you won't pass out this time" ~ great so the pizza place remembers me as the girl who passes out?!?! classy...so after that call, I bang on Devlins door at approximately 2 ish...and anyone who knows me...knows this wasnt a knock..i was banging...and went back downstairs ten minutes later...and banged again..lol..i'm funny.....so in the interim of waiting for the pizza, i turn on the comp, manage to myspace Seanie Poo Poo ~ yes i am that pathetic...and i HATE the myspace for not being able to delete a message .... try to sleep but cant.....so what do i do...i do what i do best..i call pf....ohhhhh did i mention four times...and only texted him five times....but here is the kicker on this one....Mr. Forrest has taken to actually start texting me back about a month ago.....so he goes three months without talking to me and now responds...fasinating....but whatever......so yah this is my life......someone needs to save me from myself....
I have been holed up in the apt all day..as i do NOT want to see my next door neighbor..lol..as in we share the same patio furniture....lol...so there i was watching Bad Santa ( its hangover Sunday ) and what do i hear at 9pm?! Someone is banging banging on our door.....i am dying....it's Devlin....so i do what i do best....i ignore it and pretend this is not my life...
PS. Mini is coming back early...as in next Saturday...stay posted!

There's no "ho" in holiday this year......

So i haven't blogged since Mini's bday....and I had been planning on blogging this past week...especially since it has been a terrible week with scrooges in the store...I was going to write about the shi**er paying me a visit last saturday...however she seems to have gotten her a** problem in check and did not need to use our bathroom and need to utilize my sh*t cleaning services.....in the interim....i have been dealing with the most evil people known to man and had this woman literally yelling at me all week informing me that myself and staff were rude..UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM yah right lady...i get paid to be nice to people......and to be quite honest, i'm really good at it....which takes me to thursday night...
Now lets be honest...i haven't gone out on a thursday night in probs over a year...however it had been a painfully long week and Mini called me wanting to go out...mini knowing that something so unplanned was unlike me , but you know what...i could not deal with another person wearing our clothes and attempting to return them...so you know what..i was going out...and going out hard...bc when i tell you that customers seem to think that it is perfectly acceptable to be rude to people that is not an under statement...what is it about the holidays that brings out the worst in people??s
So anyways i forgo my Survivor obsession and hop in the shower after returning from the gym...where i force myself to work out insanely long thinking that seanie poo will show his darling face in there if i stay for just five more minutes...but at least i have toned arms which i have seanie to thank for...bc i would never lift weights in the gym if i didnt think that seanie poo was going to come...omg did i just type that?? haha......whatever i dont care............but to no avail..he wasn't coming tonight....
....so Mini and i go out.....where we run into Bunny Boiler wanna be Kimmie Cakes..who fyi has some gastro issue which is quite funny consimdering the girl is tiny and eats hot dogs from a stand every night at midnight..the night was "normal" by all intents and purposes.....however we deciede to switch locations and end up going to the biggest dive bar ever in PB..where they literally have peanuts on the floor....i normally cant stand this place but i had been drinking AND it was 50 degrees in sd which is considered "cold"....and we all know i dont like being cold whatsoever....so we go across the street.....
OBVI there are 20 people total in the bar...seanie poo being one of them...i am shaking....i cant take my life...how and why does this sh*t happen to me? san diego has 1.3 million people why seanie at THIS DIVE ON A THURSDAY??? so i do the mature thing and ignore him...i know he must see me ... considering that there are 20 people total in this place...so i order the double drink WITH a shot.....( compliments of Helen informing me that this what i am supposed to do ) . .... so anyways Mini h aving been there for a total of five minutes has already made friends...and we are talking to these people...who if i remember correctly now that i think about it....are FROM san diego..which is a feat in itself...anyways seanie leaves the bar with girl.....this is not a big deal..i am being a big girl all grown up and mature...its probably for the better....
BUT comes back in ten minutes later???.......and comes up to me....would love to tell you all about our convo...but it is broken at this point..however i will tell you what i do remember even though i'm attempting to erase this from my memory...something along the lines of "brooke i want to be friends with you....but you are crazy....you got it in your head that you want to hook up with me and i am not being an ass when i say that..you decided when you met me that thats what you wanted....." Me : ( mouth agape ) "seanie poo ( oh yah i now call that to his face ) get over yourself....that is NOT true........." then i laugh and say : "okay ..fine you are right...you are funny...haaa i think we could be friends but seriously sean wtf??" i dont know people.....the conversation continues...i do remember.....but lets just say that the killer of the conversation was "brooke trust my memory, i don't drink!" I do end up talking to seanie poo for at least 20 minutes about what i dont know...and i dont want to know....well thats not exactly true...i do remember...i just wanna take an eraser and it make it all go away!
Then i look at him perplexed......he is right...he doesn't drink.............i dont know what to say at this point......i mean what am i supposed to say? "Geez seanie poo i somehow know your flipping scheddie bc my little spies/friends in SD have seen you and tracked you all last wknd and i know all your movements??" I mean wtf???......UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i am getting embarassed as i type this....bc i am remembering our conversation...i am not going to lie...i don't know how to venture at this point....i mean he IS funny and insanely good looking but i sincerely don't think i have ever been called out on "my shit" as i was called out last night.....i mean you don't do that to me! it just doesn't work that way......
So i will leave you all with this..."operation Mini goes on vacation" officially begins on the 15th...Mini is going home for a month and mini and i came up with a "project" to keep me busy for the month that she is gone...haha i don't want to spill the secret but it is good stuff people...so be prepared to hear the stories soon.....but lets just say that if left to my self destructive ways, this "project" will be good for me...otherwise the things i would come up with on my own aren't generally good for me...but i will be going on sober dates...no you read that correctly....no keep laughing...but i will........
So until then... i have one more week with Mini until Santa comes to visit.....

Mini's Bday Fiasco

Of course you will all love this one...so i left the last blog with the nice old message from Seanie Poo Poo about the bunny boiler...and no i did NOT respond....i mean all i wanted to do at this point was go on my much needed vacay to wash dc...i needed out of sd asap!!....sooooo i take the once again mis-routed flight to my sisters' the next day.....i turn off my phone like a normal human...when what should i wake up to the next day??
Ohhhhhhhhhhh I don't know a text from Kim T...who is Kim T you ask?? Well Kim T. is one of my employees' who in a former life i would be good friends with...i refer her to as "mean girls"...bc well she is mean...she is one of those girls who is pretty enough to just be mean...simply put...well the text says "sorry"...THEN i have another text from Mini asking if i talked to Kim T...then i check the VM...what i can conjure from her drunken message is something like this "seanie poo.....plum crazy..took care of bunny boiler situation"...i am like "omg what happened??" so i call her sorry a** at 9 am and wake her up....I am utterly confused at this point...bc Kim and Sean don't even know each other..so what happened? ohhhhh something along the lines of she was out at a bar and recognized seanie poo ( ONLY FROM ME PYSCHO SHOWING HER HIS PAGE ) and Kim T. walked up to him and said "do you like to boil bunnies?" now seanie never having met her said "that is so funny, i just used bunny boiler in an email this week to someone...." kim : "Um yah i know...i'm friends with Brooke..." now obvi an awkward convo ensues....so then i check the handy ole' myspace and i have a message from Mr. Sean apologizing for "offending me, thinking i would think the obscure reference was funny"...um yah sean not so much...what is funny about being referred to as a Sharon Stone pyscho from Fatal Attraction?? UGHHHHHHHHH I mean ONLY I would have a friend walk up to sean and do this...as if i dont appear pyscho enough...but from what I was able to gather from both of them, neither of them liked one another...and as Kim T stated " I only knew it was Sean from his eyebrows....he NEEDS to get them waxed...I mean hello?"
So three weeks pass and as i refuse to go to the gym from 5-7 anymore...no word from Sean...so I bite the big one and invite him out for Mini Me's bday this past Friday...now obvi this is going to be a blackout night sure to be fun....AND i will be going out with Kim T. too.....so Seanie Poo responds "thanks for the invite maybe i'll stop by"....um yahhhhhhhhhhhh.........so what do i do right before going out on Friday?? oh I dont know..i deciede to chop my hair...it's time to be crazy people......so somehow on the day of Mini's birth I find myself alone with Kim T. making fun of people at the previously mentioned bar....we decide at 12:30 to go find Mini Me who has wandered into a different random bar at this point...i mean Mini was incoherent at like 11 so the fact that she is still out is a miracle in itself.....so we get in...find Mini me...on the floor...no literally she was on the floor....and refused to get up...Kim and I don't care...let her sit...when Kim says "Um Brooke, Seanie Poo is right behind me......" i am like "what?!!!!!!!!" now mind you i was already ten drinks in..so i do what any awkward situation calls for..take 2 more shots...i do the shots and ponce right on over to seanie poo and say "sooooooooooo are we going to boil some bunnies tonight?" now at this point, i dont know who is more embarrassed...sean or me..I mean not only did i invite him out for the night and he didn't show...NOW i run into him at a random bar...this is good stuff people....it's this type of crap that makes me laugh everyday......we continue to talk....with Kim T. walking by with her hands literally over her face...i think she thinks that sean won't be able to seee her if she covers her face...um yah i dont know either....so then he asks me how i figured out what a bunny boiler was....i fill him in on Urban Dictionary's' handy definition.....then i take it one step further and proceed to tell him how the irony is , "I am a bunny boiler..." and tell him about the "investigative research" i've done on him from a mutual high school friend..um yah this is akward...and the two girls' he was with behind him aren't helping the situation...so i say "um seanie poo ( yes people i guess i call him that to his face now too ) those girls are giving me dirty looks....." and he responds "well that is because i'm talking to you" me : "Sean please don't be that full of yourself...." so i claim having to go the bathroom...find Kim T. and Mini....Kim at this point is pleading to leave to find the hot-dog stand..and Mary isn't speaking English...when who should i see next??? Ohhhhhhhh i don't know...lets go with the 23 year olds' roomate...i see him and scream "take me to ______________ " so i go back on the dance floor find the 23 year old who i haven't seen/spoken to since August...hug him.....tell him " I love you ( yes i said these words ) but I am going to go before I make this any more akward....." dont really remember any more details..but he sees Mini Me and says "i'm glad some things haven't changed.." ummmmmmmmm yah.....THEN i deciede I'm not done with Seanie Poo...so like the psycho I am...I go BACK up to him...continue to have a conversation with him....remember virtually nothing...except it was very awkward and then i leave....without failing to tell him he will never see me again bc i will never go to the gym from 5-7 again...yes i remember telling him that....OMG i am psycho.....oh wait I do the typical Brooke thing...take off my six inch heels...and run a block home...walk a block home...run a block home..walk a block home...but not to worry, just for good measure I was able to figure out PF's phone number and call him once on the way...but that's progress right? i only called him once.....
and they say San Diego has a population of 1.3 million people.....how in the world does this happen to me??