Shitty Lesbians....

Whoa babes...as always I had attempted to start "blogging" this past month....but once again my undiagnosed add has gotten the better of me...Anyways alot has happened so I have to pick and choose some of the highlights...
I'll guess I'll start with my temporary stay at "lesbian land"....I'm not even sure where to begin on this one...but I'll just give a brief recap..my friend Kaytee had offered to let me stay in her 3 bedroom 3 bathroom apt while i was "in between" places...( the whole "in between" is another story ) .i was excited to live with Kaytee...just not her barking cat of a dog "gene"..i mean really people anything that fits in a purse hardly qualifies as a dog!. .now i must preface that I know Kaytee from the gym...being the token lesbian trainer that she is.....lol....i was excited it would be fun...her and i always have fun when we go out together....alas the weekend before i was to move in she found herself "in trouble" and wouldnt be the fun roomie i anticipated..however her "new friend" would be helping her out...who is her new friend you ask? oh i dont know, her now "ohmygodwearesoinlove" girl friend of about two weeks....and she would also be living with us...complete with her dog too...okayy...........this could get interesting...seeing that i didn't know "gf" since she had only been her "gf" for two weeks...
So the first day I meet "gf" as we will call her...she is shockingly completely normal!! So I start probing how her how someone from the east coast who had a bf for six years, went to boarding school could all of sudden be a lesbian out of the blue....she starts telling me her life story...and throws in something about "passing out in my therapists office when i was in college"...i mean like excuse back up please...and she explained that she used to be so starved literally that she would pass out in her mandated therapists' office....wow...i am going to love this girl already...hello does she not know the rules? you HAVE to eat before a shrinkie appointment...obvi.....anyways so "gf" moves in with HER dog too...its a scottie type of thing?? i swear it wadles and stuff...just as long as i don't have to touch it...should i not be tripping over gene in the interim......so please envision : "gf" and Kaytee in one room sleeping together with barking cat Gene and Scottie all in the same bed..with me in the next room.....
I should probs have prefaced this story that the whole thing that sceeves me out is NOT the fact that they are lesbians..as we all know i am one of the most gay friendly people ever...its more so that they cant stop touching and making out...its not the girl girl thing..its the hello you've only known each other two weeks, you're moving in thing! like hello is it because girls are pyscho as is and two girls together just creates madness?? But come on PDA....i abhor any PDA...let alone coming home from work and seeing my roomates going out at it at the kitchen table....but "brooke we are so in love"....PUH-lease you hardly know each other....i mean we all know how i feel about this stufff...
So on my first official night at the LL...we go out for Coldstone.."gf" abstains...( im not buying her "stomach pains" one bit )..of course as we are sitting there i see "a matcher" who "gf" wants to know why that guy is staring at me..um hello do i admit that he's emailed me on the match dot com...nah i'll pass...five mins later "gf" . declares that she "must take a laxative"...ew sick...that is a. gross and b. cheating...so needless to say thirty minutes later i find myself at cvs on a saturday with the couple when Kaytee encourages her to be a suppository??...that is simply and gross..prior to this night i didn't even know what a suppository was...i mean who voluntarily puts something in their butt??? but she does...and we go home.....are greeted by the smelly dogs and the happy family of five goes to bed.....Yep just another saturday night...and ps..i swear on my life we repeated this same process the following saturday night...
In other news...last week....once again ....we had an anonymous shitter in the store..the long story short being that....helen comes to get me in the back room telling me she thinks a woman peed in the fitting room....i assume it was a dog...since barking cat Gene has already peed in my room..i mean no grown woman would pee on the carpet in a fitting room......i go out to inspect the damage...wow there IS a puddle on the carpet in the fitting room with the balled up tee shirt in the corner...and the bench is dripping with pee...nice....i take a deep breath...i am in charge here and i will be mature....UGh...so i go get the carpet cleaner...when i go to inspect the shirt to throw away, as i suspect the woman used our brand new tee shirt as toilet paper...when alas inside the tee shirt is a mountainous pile of diarrhea...yep you read that correctly.....thinking i was going to vomit...i bust out the rubber gloves and properly clean the situation..we defumigate the store..i once again order new trash bins and the like.....so once again for the third time in three years we have an anonymous shitter...now the irony of this times' shitter is that it was a random woman whom no one recognized...came in and came out...all before anyone could check on her...wow...i'm convinced that the next time this happens to me ashton is going to come out.....i mean to have three different people shit in your fitting room at three different times in one year??? do you know anyone else?? because i sure dont....
Speaking of Helen...I'm surprised she is still talking to me....Helen being Minis' roomate and the third side kick in our group of trouble....but she doesn't always make an appearance..as she often is with her drug induced alcoholic boyfriend....I have been sleeping in Helens bed this past month over the weekends...as 'the orphanage' is more fun....than hauling back to utc on a drunken friday night.......so needless to say i've been passing out every weekend in the same room as mini since the entire wall of 'the orphanage' is three full sized beds lined up against the wall......tsk tsk.....i'm going to have to save those stories for another blog...because i don't think Helen approves of my actions lately.....so until then....