well well well..it's official..i'm an adult...wait..dont they say that when you turn 18..or 21..or 25...so i'm a little behind....i turned 30.....and what a better way to celebrate than none other than the lions den now politely called the 'wolf pack' in the one and only las vegas.....
las vegas with mary mahoney ( mini ) helen kaiser and joanna cuntoudakis...and mt and her entourage...this possibly cant be a good thing......like at all.....i get nervous just thinking about it..
i dont have enough time nor do you have the shock value to hear all the detailed stories of the trip...so i'll 'blog' some of the more memorable stories.....specifically the ones i remember the most...sooooo i guess i'll take us to the first night...scratch that...lets get to me waking up on saturday morning...i arise at 7:30 am..having gone to bed FIRST at a mild 4:30am by my lonesome..i am in the bed with joanie..when what is this i spy..oh must be mini coming out of the jacuzzi with 'Al' saying ( and i quote ) 'we just took a bubble bath.'...okay lemme grab a slice of pizza from the room service that i must? have passed out on last night first as i see it just sitting there untouched next to the bed.......wait a minute where's helen...( details details ) ... as a group we all re awake at a mere 12:30 noon and helen is back...i guess she took a mini trip to asia...but that's her story to talk about....so then comes mary and Al into our bed where the five of us giggle and discuss completely 'adult' type of things....however my biggest concern was what mary used to get the actual bubbles ...since the hotel does not supply bubble bath...as she said "i just poured all the mini shampoo and conditioner bottles in there and it just "made" bubbles...interesting to note for future reference...she also said that if you pour the entire bottles into the jacuzzi you will get "lots and lots" of bubble.....back to "Al' with the thickest Bronx accent....i mean four girls and 'Al' in one bed, being rather intrusive to a complete stranger...asking him very detailed questions....like 'how old were you when you lost your V?' ......but i gotta admit, he loved it.....in fact he loved it so much, he stayed in the bed for two hours....so then we finally get some grub, re nap...and then re arise for 'the big night'...
we start our night at the infamous Thunder From Down Under show....these male hotties have worse dancing skills than Club Med..but they sure were nice to look at....after this rowdy show...we head over to the Palms to meet MT and gang and went to Rain...super fun people...trapeze, fire, fog..tons of drinks...this is NOT club med...this is las vegas....
i spy the hottie in the striped polo...i then decide "i was going to make out with him" ( remember i am officially not 30 at the time, so i can still be childish )..... anyways i meet "dan" aka cornell...obvi he is from NJ went to cornell lived in boston for four years and now lives in ca..obvi my type of boy......but as i said "oh shoot you went to cornell, you are def smarter than me"....so anyways the night progresses on...and in my little head i am thinking of minis' bubblebath...wth? I want a bubblebath!!!!!...but alas the disney length of a line for a cab back to the mgm deterred that idea....soooo lets just say that the walk of shame in a semi wet dress at 6:30am through the palms was the low point in my trip...but I did acknowledge this to the doorman "i know, my dad would not be so proud of me right now"...but my dad wasn't there....and my girls back at the mgm would be proud of me..as i stormed in at 7am and told the girls AND Al of course..."aren't you so proud of me? i took my FIRST co-ed shower" ....i'll show them....lol....i mean it only took 29 years and to be in vegas....bahahaha....i realize people do this all the time..but come on...i'm "sensitive'...( note : my 40 co pays to shrinkie clearly aren't working... )
the trip continues on in rare form as joanie and helen decide to drink at the lazy river during the day on sunday....i could not participate as we all know how well i do with day drinking....it turns into sunday night when we realize that joanie has been rather mia since the morning...where could she be....nooooo....she couldn't have taken a mini visit to canada could she have...again this is not my story to tell....but lets just say joanie was 'learning geography'....tsk tsk
the trip officially ended up with a night out to Excess at the wynn....sans joanie ( she was too bruised? ) and mary not attending...yes you read that correctly...mary mahoney did NOT come out with us...as she was being 'responsible' and had to wake up at 4am to get her flight to go to her big girls' job back in sf....i agree people, she too is growing up.....
so thats the brief summary of las vegas...it's missing small details such as a shattered skyy bottle...a mile walk to get to our hotel suite ( every single time ) ..... a broken slot machine....joanie 'not using anyone for vodka'..as if she drank absolut...according to her, she doesn't even LIKE absolut......69 dollar bar tabs...."fassing ",. "BBHJs"....( if you would like to know what these abbrevs stand for and dont already know, please text me ).....helen's naked body everywhere....but these my friends are just minor details....sigh, i heart my friends...
thats all i got....in other mundane details of my life...now that i am officially 30 i guess the body truly starts to fall apart...as i went to a podiatrist yesterday...where not only did i get a cortisone shot...and may have slumped to the floor as a result ( i quote the Dr ) "you just have low blood sugar"....me "um you think? you don't even know"....but wtf you just injected steroids into my heel and you expect me to be okay with this...oh wait i opted to do this....but the highlight of yesterdays' visit was "you have arthritis in your big toe"....i burst out laughing, "um is that even possible?" you can get arthritis in your big toe?? i'm pretty sure that this has happened to me...because of my classic prank call line "will you rub my big toe real nice?" ...so i guess this gives my nickname of GMA a whole new meaning...fml....
so excuse me while i head to bed on this friday night with my kittie....and plan on waking up early to see if i am able to walk without a limp tomorrow and attempt to run a race on sunday..which i so eloquently have prepared for in these past three weeks by going to vegas....smoking cigs....and drinking wine....and blatantly not running........
run forrest run.....
omg speaking of forrest.....never mind...i'll blog that one later...but lets just say sd is 'run in' free from p mf forrest.....
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Real Housewife...of my kitty
i'mmmmm alive....i realized i haven't blogged in a while so i thought i'd sit down and entertain you all for the next ten minutes or so...yeah i know i should get a life....i pay a paid professional who tells me the same thing twice on a month on her couch...i get it people...
anyways...so i decided we should discuss my recent endeavors as a professional wedding guest and professional aunt...this past month took me "back to my roots" so to speak all the way back to wechester county ny/swanky ct........ohhh to be back in the boarding school scene....so my little "fro" was getitng hitched; obvi i was going to make this wedding...if indeed she was able to find someone there is hope for us all...lol no sers..i haven't seen her since our last blackout during our college years...i mean this was the girl who locked me in a closet for six hours one night in high school "as a joke" and the same girl who "trimmed my hair" as a favor and simultaneously informed "your head is mis-shaped"...the same girl who passed out at the Samples' concert....at the age of 16....i also remember her teaching me stick shift illegally...ohhhhh man.....
anyways so she was getting married in her backyard...the very backyard where i met the Mr. Popov ten dollar vodka when i was 16...oh man this was going to be good...soooo i realize that week that i would only know three girls at this wedding..girls who i probably harassed and pranked throughout my high school years...i was a brat..i get it..but i thought it was funny...so "fro" informs me "not to share a room because she wants me to shack up"...gezus sarah...that is SO NOT ME..i mean please...i dont hook up with strangers..loll..but she planted the idea in my head none the less....so you know where this is going....
sooooo the wedding was a nice mix of long island housewives and "young men" wearing navy and pink...sigh there ARE some things i miss living here in CA......the highlight was having the "gifts" of NY Yankees cozi's...only Sarah....anyways so after polishing of a bottle of wine...( when in rome.... ) someone asks me for a cigarette ( quitting tomorrow remember? ) i say no since i only have one...then obvi feel badly ( insert cronic guilt = please refer again to paid professionals' couch ) then give him one...introduce myself to "kevin"...what is it with "kevins?"....he then asks if i have a pen..to which i respond "do i look like a CVS?"....."kevin" needs a pen to sign some documents regarding grannys' property...i am like "huh what the f? are you taking grannys home from her?" sooo after a painful bumpy backroad ride back to the hotel where the after party was being held.....i have a nightcap...i mean one bottle of wine should be enough don't you think...but noooo not me, i'm in rare form.....so i am hanging out with "kevin" who actually is kinda silly and decide that we could make out....i mean why not....
the story might end there if he didn't ask me at 5am "have you ever seen the Real Housewives of NJ?" my response " Are you going through my phone?!" i am convinced he was reading my texts regarding this show......another quality show refered to me by my less than quality excuse of a friend Heidi.....well well well turns out "kevin colgate" is the nephew of the infamous danielle....so obvi now i can't get enough..and cannot stop with the constant questions...do you know Dina? have you met Dina? have you been to her house? but WHYYYY don't you like her?" OMG DANIELLE!!! i'm pretty sure he wished he would have kept his mouth shut by now...so approximately fifteen minutes later when i hear the snoring, let the mass texting regarding this begin! Lol i got a piece of a piece of the RH of Jersey!!
so in other news, same old same old here....due to the current economic recession Mini's room rent has increased from $69 to $169...the increase is also due to the fact that my new roomie is coming on this saturday night....yes i am picking up my new pussy from the airport!! she is here...i have only waited six months for this....based on the pics i have been sent, she is in dire need of a haircut..and diet for that matter....but thats for her new mama ( aka MOI ) to decide....lol can't wait to meet her.....
for those of you that don't know, it's official...mini is a "grown up" now..and has new roommates...her new roomies no longer cook her meals for her or do her laundry...they are also under the age of 50 too....oh mary no more mama and papa...she is a city girl now....which is good and bad...now she has more "free time" after work since she is no longer commuting....aka her alks consumption is increasingly expanding...
ohhh and last night was Heidi's big old bday..nothing too outrageous to report..you know the usual....typical shore club shenanigans...heidi falling in the middle of the road...being denied admittance into bubs.....me inappropriately texting any and all males in my phone...and then riding home on purple ana and while trying to order pizza from papa johns..( i was too late mind you )...
you know the usual crap in my life people...sorry this blog is on the shorter side...but i am busy "kitty proofing" the ljb...
anyways...so i decided we should discuss my recent endeavors as a professional wedding guest and professional aunt...this past month took me "back to my roots" so to speak all the way back to wechester county ny/swanky ct........ohhh to be back in the boarding school scene....so my little "fro" was getitng hitched; obvi i was going to make this wedding...if indeed she was able to find someone there is hope for us all...lol no sers..i haven't seen her since our last blackout during our college years...i mean this was the girl who locked me in a closet for six hours one night in high school "as a joke" and the same girl who "trimmed my hair" as a favor and simultaneously informed "your head is mis-shaped"...the same girl who passed out at the Samples' concert....at the age of 16....i also remember her teaching me stick shift illegally...ohhhhh man.....
anyways so she was getting married in her backyard...the very backyard where i met the Mr. Popov ten dollar vodka when i was 16...oh man this was going to be good...soooo i realize that week that i would only know three girls at this wedding..girls who i probably harassed and pranked throughout my high school years...i was a brat..i get it..but i thought it was funny...so "fro" informs me "not to share a room because she wants me to shack up"...gezus sarah...that is SO NOT ME..i mean please...i dont hook up with strangers..loll..but she planted the idea in my head none the less....so you know where this is going....
sooooo the wedding was a nice mix of long island housewives and "young men" wearing navy and pink...sigh there ARE some things i miss living here in CA......the highlight was having the "gifts" of NY Yankees cozi's...only Sarah....anyways so after polishing of a bottle of wine...( when in rome.... ) someone asks me for a cigarette ( quitting tomorrow remember? ) i say no since i only have one...then obvi feel badly ( insert cronic guilt = please refer again to paid professionals' couch ) then give him one...introduce myself to "kevin"...what is it with "kevins?"....he then asks if i have a pen..to which i respond "do i look like a CVS?"....."kevin" needs a pen to sign some documents regarding grannys' property...i am like "huh what the f? are you taking grannys home from her?" sooo after a painful bumpy backroad ride back to the hotel where the after party was being held.....i have a nightcap...i mean one bottle of wine should be enough don't you think...but noooo not me, i'm in rare form.....so i am hanging out with "kevin" who actually is kinda silly and decide that we could make out....i mean why not....
the story might end there if he didn't ask me at 5am "have you ever seen the Real Housewives of NJ?" my response " Are you going through my phone?!" i am convinced he was reading my texts regarding this show......another quality show refered to me by my less than quality excuse of a friend Heidi.....well well well turns out "kevin colgate" is the nephew of the infamous danielle....so obvi now i can't get enough..and cannot stop with the constant questions...do you know Dina? have you met Dina? have you been to her house? but WHYYYY don't you like her?" OMG DANIELLE!!! i'm pretty sure he wished he would have kept his mouth shut by now...so approximately fifteen minutes later when i hear the snoring, let the mass texting regarding this begin! Lol i got a piece of a piece of the RH of Jersey!!
so in other news, same old same old here....due to the current economic recession Mini's room rent has increased from $69 to $169...the increase is also due to the fact that my new roomie is coming on this saturday night....yes i am picking up my new pussy from the airport!! she is here...i have only waited six months for this....based on the pics i have been sent, she is in dire need of a haircut..and diet for that matter....but thats for her new mama ( aka MOI ) to decide....lol can't wait to meet her.....
for those of you that don't know, it's official...mini is a "grown up" now..and has new roommates...her new roomies no longer cook her meals for her or do her laundry...they are also under the age of 50 too....oh mary no more mama and papa...she is a city girl now....which is good and bad...now she has more "free time" after work since she is no longer commuting....aka her alks consumption is increasingly expanding...
ohhh and last night was Heidi's big old bday..nothing too outrageous to report..you know the usual....typical shore club shenanigans...heidi falling in the middle of the road...being denied admittance into bubs.....me inappropriately texting any and all males in my phone...and then riding home on purple ana and while trying to order pizza from papa johns..( i was too late mind you )...
you know the usual crap in my life people...sorry this blog is on the shorter side...but i am busy "kitty proofing" the ljb...
Friday, February 20, 2009
Meow takes on a new meaning...meow
whoa babes.......yah yah yah i'm alive....so i haven't blogged...but wtf do you want? i've been "hibernating" again....aka eating my feelings...lol oh to live in CA and have EDs be so widely accepted...oh don't knock it.....you know who you are...and i know what you do or don't eat..lol
anyways fing slutty gretchy has been texting me incessantly to finally post a blog...wth..it's not my fault she is just now finding out how very boring office life is....i tried to warn her..but no, no one listens to GMA....
sooo i took a peeksie back and saw i hadn't blogged since July...go figure....i'm not sure wth gretchy would like me to talk about..it's been a while....damn the old skool Mini days seem like eons ago..well they were...time flys when you realize that today you are officially closer to turning 30..than you are 29..who me? upset...nah never....but literally yesterday i was officially 29.5 years old..hahaha..but anyways no ADD with this blog..lets discuss Mini's first visit back to SD....
She comes in November and obvi it's a party...people come out of the woodworks for her....i swear to you..but anyways a few drinks..or ten later....a run in occurs..no i'm being serious about this...OBVI a run in occurs..why wouldnt one? mary is here, and well it's me...i have bad luck..who do we see? ohhh why "dwight"...obvi his name is not dwight...but alas it is to be his new nickname..as in dwight from the office, since well they kinda remind me of one another...anyways i know dwight through biff...and dwight and i have mutual friends in the Bean..so we have been 'mature' since our initial meeting last summer at sandbar...for as 'mature' as two east coasters living in alcoholic induced SD can be...which pretty much means we have made out drunk, and dd one another each and every saturday night we go out....i should note i am not interested...i really only smooched him in the hopes biff would find out..and what? be jealous...pshhh..he wouldn't care..he's practically married to an unemployed 35 yr old...who me bitter? nah never...and i have facebook to thank for keeping me abreast on their status....but anyways so we see him at the fine establishment of Longboards in pb.....and mary naturally sidles up with his friend and i think? i suspect? shots were immediately bought..idk.,,,,any type of 'run in' after midnight can NOT be good....the next thing i remember we are walking to Dwights...and mary and friend leave??? and i am left alone with dwight...wtf...suddenly i dont feel so well...( no sers ) i try to pass out on the couch downstairs..but dwight aint having it..he really should have left me alone...next thing i know...we are making out...and i REALLY dont feel well...so i go into the bathroom where i proceed to 'give back' my drinks.....err yah this is bad...i puke all over his sink....three times...yet somehow think its kinda? sorta? funny...get back into bed...and pass out...and yes i just mentioned i was going to be 30 this year...this is the behavior of a 21 year old..anyways in the morning, dwight is being funny but serious when he asks me to clean his sink....i glare at him and inform him "i am NOT cleaning that" and i cackle...but hey could i get a ride home?? and letsbehonest, i wasn't even awkward..because i think i was still drunk....and hey where was mary now that i think about it...
sooo good to have my little angel back in san diego.....with regard to my mini she also came back in January....and for her five nights on her two visits back here ( one in Nov and one in Jan ) she has yet to spend the night with anyone who she knew here originally..ie. she was making 'new friends' each night back here in sd!!.....smirk :)
anyways in other news, i still have the same job..it will be three years..i know right...my longest job ever..but thanks to the recession, no one can afford expensive workout wear so it makes my job that much more boring...
being a homeowner is...interesting??...interesting bc i can no longer call the apt complex to come fix my clogged toilet ( whatever, i admit it i have a love affair with toilet paper ), or learn how to drain my own sink, etc etc etc...and the list really does go on....oh don't knock it, like you would know how to fix a broken breaker??? i suppose we could talk about the decor ( or utter lack their of ) of the LJB...i would probably be itching to move to a new city based on my prior history at this juncture of my life, but oh wait i have a 30 year mortgage..and will be here till i'm 59...no comment.....in my next blog i will discuss 'my neighbor' and our current situation..thanks to the wise words of annie she informed me 'not to shit in my own bed'...so while we flirt..and i somehow got so nervous and hit my car ( damage over a $1000 in front of him ) .. i will follow this advice..for the moment...but yes folks i'm into my neighbor....and i think? he may be into me...despite my poor parking skills..but whatever...that will have to be for another blog...
Besides i'm cautious about bringing anyone here...especially when i will have a new fat cat...no you are not blind...i am getting a cat...i never thought i would be saying this or actually going through with it..but wth..desperate times call for desperate measures...now the irony of the situation is that i did some research serious as in research about the cats...i dont want to bore you all with the details but girls with allergies cant be choosers......and so i finally found a breeder and passed the 'pussy allergy test'.....and gasp i am getting a kitten from Mamma named Aremenda..for some reason i deciede i want to see what daddy kitty looks like..and i found my kittys daddy online...i kid you not, the cat is literally 30 plus pounds...NO SERS...its true.....i had tears in my eyes when i saw kitty daddy....like it weighs more than the pug that i have so desperately always wanted....errr anyways....bahaha...worst case scenario, i have an arrangement and i have someone who will take care of her if her need be...smirk . i know a cat..and a fat cat none the less..i always wanted a scrawny plain white one..there goes that idea!!!...yah i see it now : a single 30 year old who lives alone...buys FAT CAT... i might as well stamp : WARNING clear across my forehead...ughhhh but wth..my shrinkie supports this..yah yah yah i HAD to start seeing her again...she shouldn't have 'left me to my own devices' for a year...bc then maybs i wouldn't be in this desperate situation...lol.....
so that's all i've got for the moment....i really wrote this for Grettchy....i promise i will post another one shortly...ohhhhhh fair enough..i'll post another just as soon as i call back pf...who people i must inform you all is moving...to North Carolina.....but no worries not until the end of the summer, so that gives me half a year to be a complete a**hole....and truly put an end to the ten year run.....i mean it started when i was 19 and soon i will be 30......meow..
anyways fing slutty gretchy has been texting me incessantly to finally post a blog...wth..it's not my fault she is just now finding out how very boring office life is....i tried to warn her..but no, no one listens to GMA....
sooo i took a peeksie back and saw i hadn't blogged since July...go figure....i'm not sure wth gretchy would like me to talk about..it's been a while....damn the old skool Mini days seem like eons ago..well they were...time flys when you realize that today you are officially closer to turning 30..than you are 29..who me? upset...nah never....but literally yesterday i was officially 29.5 years old..hahaha..but anyways no ADD with this blog..lets discuss Mini's first visit back to SD....
She comes in November and obvi it's a party...people come out of the woodworks for her....i swear to you..but anyways a few drinks..or ten later....a run in occurs..no i'm being serious about this...OBVI a run in occurs..why wouldnt one? mary is here, and well it's me...i have bad luck..who do we see? ohhh why "dwight"...obvi his name is not dwight...but alas it is to be his new nickname..as in dwight from the office, since well they kinda remind me of one another...anyways i know dwight through biff...and dwight and i have mutual friends in the Bean..so we have been 'mature' since our initial meeting last summer at sandbar...for as 'mature' as two east coasters living in alcoholic induced SD can be...which pretty much means we have made out drunk, and dd one another each and every saturday night we go out....i should note i am not interested...i really only smooched him in the hopes biff would find out..and what? be jealous...pshhh..he wouldn't care..he's practically married to an unemployed 35 yr old...who me bitter? nah never...and i have facebook to thank for keeping me abreast on their status....but anyways so we see him at the fine establishment of Longboards in pb.....and mary naturally sidles up with his friend and i think? i suspect? shots were immediately bought..idk.,,,,any type of 'run in' after midnight can NOT be good....the next thing i remember we are walking to Dwights...and mary and friend leave??? and i am left alone with dwight...wtf...suddenly i dont feel so well...( no sers ) i try to pass out on the couch downstairs..but dwight aint having it..he really should have left me alone...next thing i know...we are making out...and i REALLY dont feel well...so i go into the bathroom where i proceed to 'give back' my drinks.....err yah this is bad...i puke all over his sink....three times...yet somehow think its kinda? sorta? funny...get back into bed...and pass out...and yes i just mentioned i was going to be 30 this year...this is the behavior of a 21 year old..anyways in the morning, dwight is being funny but serious when he asks me to clean his sink....i glare at him and inform him "i am NOT cleaning that" and i cackle...but hey could i get a ride home?? and letsbehonest, i wasn't even awkward..because i think i was still drunk....and hey where was mary now that i think about it...
sooo good to have my little angel back in san diego.....with regard to my mini she also came back in January....and for her five nights on her two visits back here ( one in Nov and one in Jan ) she has yet to spend the night with anyone who she knew here originally..ie. she was making 'new friends' each night back here in sd!!.....smirk :)
anyways in other news, i still have the same job..it will be three years..i know right...my longest job ever..but thanks to the recession, no one can afford expensive workout wear so it makes my job that much more boring...
being a homeowner is...interesting??...interesting bc i can no longer call the apt complex to come fix my clogged toilet ( whatever, i admit it i have a love affair with toilet paper ), or learn how to drain my own sink, etc etc etc...and the list really does go on....oh don't knock it, like you would know how to fix a broken breaker??? i suppose we could talk about the decor ( or utter lack their of ) of the LJB...i would probably be itching to move to a new city based on my prior history at this juncture of my life, but oh wait i have a 30 year mortgage..and will be here till i'm 59...no comment.....in my next blog i will discuss 'my neighbor' and our current situation..thanks to the wise words of annie she informed me 'not to shit in my own bed'...so while we flirt..and i somehow got so nervous and hit my car ( damage over a $1000 in front of him ) .. i will follow this advice..for the moment...but yes folks i'm into my neighbor....and i think? he may be into me...despite my poor parking skills..but whatever...that will have to be for another blog...
Besides i'm cautious about bringing anyone here...especially when i will have a new fat cat...no you are not blind...i am getting a cat...i never thought i would be saying this or actually going through with it..but wth..desperate times call for desperate measures...now the irony of the situation is that i did some research serious as in research about the cats...i dont want to bore you all with the details but girls with allergies cant be choosers......and so i finally found a breeder and passed the 'pussy allergy test'.....and gasp i am getting a kitten from Mamma named Aremenda..for some reason i deciede i want to see what daddy kitty looks like..and i found my kittys daddy online...i kid you not, the cat is literally 30 plus pounds...NO SERS...its true.....i had tears in my eyes when i saw kitty daddy....like it weighs more than the pug that i have so desperately always wanted....errr anyways....bahaha...worst case scenario, i have an arrangement and i have someone who will take care of her if her need be...smirk . i know a cat..and a fat cat none the less..i always wanted a scrawny plain white one..there goes that idea!!!...yah i see it now : a single 30 year old who lives alone...buys FAT CAT... i might as well stamp : WARNING clear across my forehead...ughhhh but wth..my shrinkie supports this..yah yah yah i HAD to start seeing her again...she shouldn't have 'left me to my own devices' for a year...bc then maybs i wouldn't be in this desperate situation...lol.....
so that's all i've got for the moment....i really wrote this for Grettchy....i promise i will post another one shortly...ohhhhhh fair enough..i'll post another just as soon as i call back pf...who people i must inform you all is moving...to North Carolina.....but no worries not until the end of the summer, so that gives me half a year to be a complete a**hole....and truly put an end to the ten year run.....i mean it started when i was 19 and soon i will be 30......meow..
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Shitty Lesbians....
Whoa babes...as always I had attempted to start "blogging" this past month....but once again my undiagnosed add has gotten the better of me...Anyways alot has happened so I have to pick and choose some of the highlights...
I'll guess I'll start with my temporary stay at "lesbian land"....I'm not even sure where to begin on this one...but I'll just give a brief recap..my friend Kaytee had offered to let me stay in her 3 bedroom 3 bathroom apt while i was "in between" places...( the whole "in between" is another story ) .i was excited to live with Kaytee...just not her barking cat of a dog "gene"..i mean really people anything that fits in a purse hardly qualifies as a dog!. .now i must preface that I know Kaytee from the gym...being the token lesbian trainer that she is.....lol....i was excited it would be fun...her and i always have fun when we go out together....alas the weekend before i was to move in she found herself "in trouble" and wouldnt be the fun roomie i anticipated..however her "new friend" would be helping her out...who is her new friend you ask? oh i dont know, her now "ohmygodwearesoinlove" girl friend of about two weeks....and she would also be living with us...complete with her dog too...okayy...........this could get interesting...seeing that i didn't know "gf" since she had only been her "gf" for two weeks...
So the first day I meet "gf" as we will call her...she is shockingly completely normal!! So I start probing how her how someone from the east coast who had a bf for six years, went to boarding school could all of sudden be a lesbian out of the blue....she starts telling me her life story...and throws in something about "passing out in my therapists office when i was in college"...i mean like excuse back up please...and she explained that she used to be so starved literally that she would pass out in her mandated therapists' office....wow...i am going to love this girl already...hello does she not know the rules? you HAVE to eat before a shrinkie appointment...obvi.....anyways so "gf" moves in with HER dog too...its a scottie type of thing?? i swear it wadles and stuff...just as long as i don't have to touch it...should i not be tripping over gene in the interim......so please envision : "gf" and Kaytee in one room sleeping together with barking cat Gene and Scottie all in the same bed..with me in the next room.....
I should probs have prefaced this story that the whole thing that sceeves me out is NOT the fact that they are lesbians..as we all know i am one of the most gay friendly people ever...its more so that they cant stop touching and making out...its not the girl girl thing..its the hello you've only known each other two weeks, you're moving in thing! like hello is it because girls are pyscho as is and two girls together just creates madness?? But come on PDA....i abhor any PDA...let alone coming home from work and seeing my roomates going out at it at the kitchen table....but "brooke we are so in love"....PUH-lease you hardly know each other....i mean we all know how i feel about this stufff...
So on my first official night at the LL...we go out for Coldstone.."gf" abstains...( im not buying her "stomach pains" one bit )..of course as we are sitting there i see "a matcher" who "gf" wants to know why that guy is staring at me..um hello do i admit that he's emailed me on the match dot com...nah i'll pass...five mins later "gf" . declares that she "must take a laxative"...ew sick...that is a. gross and b. cheating...so needless to say thirty minutes later i find myself at cvs on a saturday with the couple when Kaytee encourages her to be a suppository??...that is simply and gross..prior to this night i didn't even know what a suppository was...i mean who voluntarily puts something in their butt??? but she does...and we go home.....are greeted by the smelly dogs and the happy family of five goes to bed.....Yep just another saturday night...and ps..i swear on my life we repeated this same process the following saturday night...
In other news...last week....once again ....we had an anonymous shitter in the store..the long story short being that....helen comes to get me in the back room telling me she thinks a woman peed in the fitting room....i assume it was a dog...since barking cat Gene has already peed in my room..i mean no grown woman would pee on the carpet in a fitting room......i go out to inspect the damage...wow there IS a puddle on the carpet in the fitting room with the balled up tee shirt in the corner...and the bench is dripping with pee...nice....i take a deep breath...i am in charge here and i will be mature....UGh...so i go get the carpet cleaner...when i go to inspect the shirt to throw away, as i suspect the woman used our brand new tee shirt as toilet paper...when alas inside the tee shirt is a mountainous pile of diarrhea...yep you read that correctly.....thinking i was going to vomit...i bust out the rubber gloves and properly clean the situation..we defumigate the store..i once again order new trash bins and the like.....so once again for the third time in three years we have an anonymous shitter...now the irony of this times' shitter is that it was a random woman whom no one recognized...came in and came out...all before anyone could check on her...wow...i'm convinced that the next time this happens to me ashton is going to come out.....i mean to have three different people shit in your fitting room at three different times in one year??? do you know anyone else?? because i sure dont....
Speaking of Helen...I'm surprised she is still talking to me....Helen being Minis' roomate and the third side kick in our group of trouble....but she doesn't always make an appearance..as she often is with her drug induced alcoholic boyfriend....I have been sleeping in Helens bed this past month over the weekends...as 'the orphanage' is more fun....than hauling back to utc on a drunken friday night.......so needless to say i've been passing out every weekend in the same room as mini since the entire wall of 'the orphanage' is three full sized beds lined up against the wall......tsk tsk.....i'm going to have to save those stories for another blog...because i don't think Helen approves of my actions lately.....so until then....
I'll guess I'll start with my temporary stay at "lesbian land"....I'm not even sure where to begin on this one...but I'll just give a brief recap..my friend Kaytee had offered to let me stay in her 3 bedroom 3 bathroom apt while i was "in between" places...( the whole "in between" is another story ) .i was excited to live with Kaytee...just not her barking cat of a dog "gene"..i mean really people anything that fits in a purse hardly qualifies as a dog!. .now i must preface that I know Kaytee from the gym...being the token lesbian trainer that she is.....lol....i was excited it would be fun...her and i always have fun when we go out together....alas the weekend before i was to move in she found herself "in trouble" and wouldnt be the fun roomie i anticipated..however her "new friend" would be helping her out...who is her new friend you ask? oh i dont know, her now "ohmygodwearesoinlove" girl friend of about two weeks....and she would also be living with us...complete with her dog too...okayy...........this could get interesting...seeing that i didn't know "gf" since she had only been her "gf" for two weeks...
So the first day I meet "gf" as we will call her...she is shockingly completely normal!! So I start probing how her how someone from the east coast who had a bf for six years, went to boarding school could all of sudden be a lesbian out of the blue....she starts telling me her life story...and throws in something about "passing out in my therapists office when i was in college"...i mean like excuse back up please...and she explained that she used to be so starved literally that she would pass out in her mandated therapists' office....wow...i am going to love this girl already...hello does she not know the rules? you HAVE to eat before a shrinkie appointment...obvi.....anyways so "gf" moves in with HER dog too...its a scottie type of thing?? i swear it wadles and stuff...just as long as i don't have to touch it...should i not be tripping over gene in the interim......so please envision : "gf" and Kaytee in one room sleeping together with barking cat Gene and Scottie all in the same bed..with me in the next room.....
I should probs have prefaced this story that the whole thing that sceeves me out is NOT the fact that they are lesbians..as we all know i am one of the most gay friendly people ever...its more so that they cant stop touching and making out...its not the girl girl thing..its the hello you've only known each other two weeks, you're moving in thing! like hello is it because girls are pyscho as is and two girls together just creates madness?? But come on PDA....i abhor any PDA...let alone coming home from work and seeing my roomates going out at it at the kitchen table....but "brooke we are so in love"....PUH-lease you hardly know each other....i mean we all know how i feel about this stufff...
So on my first official night at the LL...we go out for Coldstone.."gf" abstains...( im not buying her "stomach pains" one bit )..of course as we are sitting there i see "a matcher" who "gf" wants to know why that guy is staring at me..um hello do i admit that he's emailed me on the match dot com...nah i'll pass...five mins later "gf" . declares that she "must take a laxative"...ew sick...that is a. gross and b. cheating...so needless to say thirty minutes later i find myself at cvs on a saturday with the couple when Kaytee encourages her to be a suppository??...that is simply and gross..prior to this night i didn't even know what a suppository was...i mean who voluntarily puts something in their butt??? but she does...and we go home.....are greeted by the smelly dogs and the happy family of five goes to bed.....Yep just another saturday night...and ps..i swear on my life we repeated this same process the following saturday night...
In other news...last week....once again ....we had an anonymous shitter in the store..the long story short being that....helen comes to get me in the back room telling me she thinks a woman peed in the fitting room....i assume it was a dog...since barking cat Gene has already peed in my room..i mean no grown woman would pee on the carpet in a fitting room......i go out to inspect the damage...wow there IS a puddle on the carpet in the fitting room with the balled up tee shirt in the corner...and the bench is dripping with pee...nice....i take a deep breath...i am in charge here and i will be mature....UGh...so i go get the carpet cleaner...when i go to inspect the shirt to throw away, as i suspect the woman used our brand new tee shirt as toilet paper...when alas inside the tee shirt is a mountainous pile of diarrhea...yep you read that correctly.....thinking i was going to vomit...i bust out the rubber gloves and properly clean the situation..we defumigate the store..i once again order new trash bins and the like.....so once again for the third time in three years we have an anonymous shitter...now the irony of this times' shitter is that it was a random woman whom no one recognized...came in and came out...all before anyone could check on her...wow...i'm convinced that the next time this happens to me ashton is going to come out.....i mean to have three different people shit in your fitting room at three different times in one year??? do you know anyone else?? because i sure dont....
Speaking of Helen...I'm surprised she is still talking to me....Helen being Minis' roomate and the third side kick in our group of trouble....but she doesn't always make an appearance..as she often is with her drug induced alcoholic boyfriend....I have been sleeping in Helens bed this past month over the weekends...as 'the orphanage' is more fun....than hauling back to utc on a drunken friday night.......so needless to say i've been passing out every weekend in the same room as mini since the entire wall of 'the orphanage' is three full sized beds lined up against the wall......tsk tsk.....i'm going to have to save those stories for another blog...because i don't think Helen approves of my actions lately.....so until then....
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Mini is officially an adult....
Hmm...once again it's been a while...I've been extra ADD lately and blogging has taken a back seat...alot has happened in the past month..some good, some bad...so i will simply have to do a miniature "recap"....I re read my last blog...and realized that it mainly had to do with Biff..well come on now people..this is me, its been over a month...obvi Biff is NO LONGER in the picture..that would be too normal....i mean things were going too normally for a month for me to somehow mess it up classic brooke style...i would really rather not get into logistics about it...but i will share one of my more favorable stories with you all from this past month.....So my little girl mini me is all grown up and time for her college graduation..obvi it occur ed on one of the 14 days a year it actually rains in SD...so her family has quite the night arranged....we meet for "pre cocktails" in her parents hotel room...her mom being the qui essential SF Martha Stewart mom had all the drinks, salami and cold cuts... that any young girl could imagine...so i finally get to meet the whole fam..my attention focused solely on Kelley..well thats just something else that is distorted..sooooo after two drinks..we head to Del Mar to Jakes...the waterfront restaurant..now since Mary had lost her license the night prior and Kelley was still vomiting from the night prior, that left four bottles of wine to be consumed by myself, Heidi, and her aunts..yikes....sooooooooooooo after Sprinkles and four glasses of wine..( how was i supposed to know that equates to an entire bottle )...we are headed back to PB..now mary was planning on having a "house party" since the poor girl has no form of identification..her passport long being misplaced in her sorority house...so i texted the good old biffer who tells me to meet him and his friends at the Mission beach dive bar...i think about it for one hot second and decide sure why not? i mean i am only wearing a Theory cocktail dress and going to meet six guys..this is rational..i haven't been drinking....sooooooooooo i go....i meet his friends again with some new ones in the mix.....end up having a blast....some drinks perhaps a shot or two? who' s counting? not me...well maybe the bouncer who pointed at me as i was "coming" aka stumbling down the stairs..i was "asked to leave" now i'm laughing...i have lived in SD for three years now and have never been "asked to leave"..i find this hysterical..i don't even put up a fight...i totally acknowledge and accept this beefcakes' decision..i mean after all it is his job...so biff accompanies me out...to where?oh marys house of course...which is in full swing seeing that it is only 12:30...yah i had a good time..there are pics to prove it...i mean me brooke?make out with someone in public...as if! but i guess i did..Unfortunately for reasons i'm still unclear about, the biffer and i are no longer in communications.....something along the lines of me not wanting to go to Hoboken pizza at 2am..lol something like that..as of today..we are in "strained communications"...we are still talking? but not really...i'm not overly concerned about the situation because farm boy and i are going to see each other again..this is PB..we go to the same bars...man oh man...i have a bad feeling about that potential run in....oh did i mention? i had a "run in"....and no not pf!! puh lease iraq people... we all cant forget "fingerhut" yes that is his name...the boy who infamously i won a bet upon over a year ago.....and the irony is joanie still hasn't paid up..whatever..so i see him, have not seen him in over a year!! he accused me of doing drugs..which i found rather hysterical seeing that i dont do drugs!! but i got a good laugh needless to say...so he wants me to take his number again..but alas i have it saved!!! so what happens next??...oh yeah he might have gone into my phone and seen that his name is saved as "dirty ass loser"...OOPSIE..i just laughed, i didn't even apologize...yah hello? that prevents me from ever even THINKING about calling him...duh! In other news, I went to my "Portland contest" two weeks ago...lol....lets just say i was the girl during the 5k walk that stopped for cotton candy..oh did i mention it was a mere 45 degrees in June?!?! wtf?! Hahah...nothing overly exciting to report about the trip...Sooo back in the day when i mentioned I was looking for a condo...and put an offer in March on a "short sale" ( no pun intended ) I found out the bank accepted my offer two weeks ago...so for the past two weeks i have been dealing with loans, HOAs, home inspections, etc...things that I feel ill equipped to deal with....
So that's all I've got to report..I have one last month with Mini..no really..she IS going August 01st..despite my offer of renting my other room to her for $69 bucks....so in the interim we'll be cruising on our bikes...oh yah...my next blog will be about last Wednesdays' bike booze cruise..stay tuned...but whats important is that i'm still alive to blog about that adventure....
So that's all I've got to report..I have one last month with Mini..no really..she IS going August 01st..despite my offer of renting my other room to her for $69 bucks....so in the interim we'll be cruising on our bikes...oh yah...my next blog will be about last Wednesdays' bike booze cruise..stay tuned...but whats important is that i'm still alive to blog about that adventure....
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sorry I'm not the most boring person....
Wow....It's been over a month I see since I've "blogged"....and I have some minor updates and comical situations to discuss....I would like to start with last weekends "situation".....sooooooooo the week prior, I had once again a bit too much free time and had also "forgotten" about the match dot com biznas which they conveniently wont let me cancel until the end of May...so i decide to re-check it out as I realize i hadn't even logged in over a month....so long story short....some decent looking working guy had "winked" at me....and well fast forward one week later we had graduated to "talking" every night over AOL IM...classic brooke communication...but whatever...biff is funny...and yes you read that correctly..that is not his name obvi..but unfortunately for him that is going to be his name for the duration of our ?? ..there is no secret story behind it...but i find it fitting.."biff"..... ANYWAYS so five months into match i officially met my first "matcher"....lol....so we met at yet another classy pacific beach establishment which boosts $2 you call its on saturday night...with our friends..at midnight...LOL....very "safe" in Brooke world....sooooo we meet and gasp he's normal!!! and cute to boot...and funny...so we continue to talk in movie quotes and attempt to out-quote one another which most people would probs find annoying..i've gotta give it to the kid...he def has me on my toes with this movie business...now if both of us could have only been able to retain that much info in school as we can in movies.....but to be honest it surprisingly wasn't awkward and i felt like we had enough to talk about, etc...so then he suggests Hoboken the infamous pizza place...so i'm like why not..it will save me from calling them an hour later anyways....
So we got to Hoboken.... biff and myself and his two friends...mary and helen are long wasted and gone at this point in the night....so once again each girl to their own....so his friend must be able to sense my "wild side" and dares me to throw a piece of pizza across the restaurant and attempt to start a food fight...um okay? why would i not??so i use my best derek jeter and hit some stranger smack in the chest across the place...i think biff was surprised and speechless...but HELLO i can't turn down a dare...now of course this guy has no idea who/what just happened as i make our entire table to "keep acting normal" so no one will know where it came from....lol....sooo obvi who should stumble in fifteen minutes later? mini obvi...i had left her over an hour ago...and gasp here she was with her "new friend"....she doesn't see me...and i let her enjoy her time...as i know i am going to be walking her home shortly...so after some greasy pizza i tell "my new friends" that i have to walk my friend home...biff offers to come...but not before picking up his beach cruiser from his first bar stop of the night..yes you read that correctly...gotta love san diego...aren't BUIs an issue around here!?!?.....so he rides his bike to minis with me and mini and her new friend...so back at mary's apartment....we have mary now guzzling beers, her new stranger? friend, melanie the ever so loud drama queen...who was def anger ridden that night, myself and biff....this is a funny set up...mary obvi NEEDS to put in What About Bob....where she attempts to quote the entire movie....especially the "i have turrets line....sh*t...fu**er....etc"...but she is even slurring those words.....not even five minutes later...we have Helen and Kevin come in where Helen is so obliterated that she cant decide to eat her pizza or McDs first...Kevin being the polite lush begins taking shots of Captain....and begging any and all to join in...now mind you it is 2:30a.m. and i have biff who i had just met with me here at Mary's apartment......I was a "good drunk"....i was drunk enough to know that this was potentially awkward/embarrassing...but not drunk enough to leave...so i attempt to put Helen to bed where she falls out of bed and takes down the lamp with her...oh well i tried...the night continues on....with Mary continually drinking and slurring what about bob lines.....Melaine complaining about anything and everything...and Kevin just being his general inappropriate self....soooo i text biff who is sitting across from me just taking in this whole situation....that i am going home...so we leave...where he tells me he will "give me a ride home"...on his beach cruiser...so i sit on the handlebars...and by god, god was on my side that night bc i immediately got off knowing that nothing good could have come from that...so since i left my shoes inside I inform biff that i will race him home...so i run..barefoot.....as in full out sprint with biff biking next to me back to my apartment..five blocks away..in my "little ensemble of the night..."...so then we get back to my apt..and .....oh god this has the potential to be awkward...
But alas...it really wasn't.....i thanked biff for a fun night...i mean..what possibly could he be thinking i have no idea..so we make out like eighth graders....and i go to bed without having to order Hoboken..and pass out to Brokedown palace...( Note : no drunken texts to anyone....keep reading why.... )
So I officially survived my first ( and since there has been a second...it wasnt my last ) "matcher" meeting..lol wow i am becoming a big girl....I am so proud of myself...LOL.....Don't quite know where/what to say about biff just yet.....as my mom used to say "we'll see" ( which obvi always meant no but whatever... ) .... and this "situation" was without the work of my former shrinkie as we officially broke up months ago.....lol i think she would be equally as proud...
In other news, our good friend who has been living in SD less than one year from his last deployment is now back in the tourist friendly Iraq...pf did text me at 6:15am to let me know that he was leaving.....when i asked if he was interested in hanging out before oh i dont know he went to war for seven months..i got no response......wow that was nice...but being the big girl that i am i picked myself up and brushed off the dirt...honestly....i can seriously only laugh...at least i won't be using up his text plan for the next year!!!
Anyways.....I also don't think there will be anymore "seanie poo poo" run ins...since our one and only sober mini hello convo last month...as my myspace creeping has informed me that he is now a home owner in downtown san diego...so def no more gym or pb run ins...oh well......this move is just saving me from a potential tragic mistake..
And finally I bet many of you were wondering why i haven't been talking about mini's impeding sd departure...oopsie did i forget to mention that one MINOR detail.....ohhh that's because mary has decided that sd really isn't that ghetto and going back to live with her parents "in the real world" ..would be worse...so she will be remaining in SD until August 01st..ohhhh "grown up world" beware...Mary is here.....so that obvi makes me beyond happy and should make you all very excited to know that more entertaining blogs will be coming this summer.....
So we got to Hoboken.... biff and myself and his two friends...mary and helen are long wasted and gone at this point in the night....so once again each girl to their own....so his friend must be able to sense my "wild side" and dares me to throw a piece of pizza across the restaurant and attempt to start a food fight...um okay? why would i not??so i use my best derek jeter and hit some stranger smack in the chest across the place...i think biff was surprised and speechless...but HELLO i can't turn down a dare...now of course this guy has no idea who/what just happened as i make our entire table to "keep acting normal" so no one will know where it came from....lol....sooo obvi who should stumble in fifteen minutes later? mini obvi...i had left her over an hour ago...and gasp here she was with her "new friend"....she doesn't see me...and i let her enjoy her time...as i know i am going to be walking her home shortly...so after some greasy pizza i tell "my new friends" that i have to walk my friend home...biff offers to come...but not before picking up his beach cruiser from his first bar stop of the night..yes you read that correctly...gotta love san diego...aren't BUIs an issue around here!?!?.....so he rides his bike to minis with me and mini and her new friend...so back at mary's apartment....we have mary now guzzling beers, her new stranger? friend, melanie the ever so loud drama queen...who was def anger ridden that night, myself and biff....this is a funny set up...mary obvi NEEDS to put in What About Bob....where she attempts to quote the entire movie....especially the "i have turrets line....sh*t...fu**er....etc"...but she is even slurring those words.....not even five minutes later...we have Helen and Kevin come in where Helen is so obliterated that she cant decide to eat her pizza or McDs first...Kevin being the polite lush begins taking shots of Captain....and begging any and all to join in...now mind you it is 2:30a.m. and i have biff who i had just met with me here at Mary's apartment......I was a "good drunk"....i was drunk enough to know that this was potentially awkward/embarrassing...but not drunk enough to leave...so i attempt to put Helen to bed where she falls out of bed and takes down the lamp with her...oh well i tried...the night continues on....with Mary continually drinking and slurring what about bob lines.....Melaine complaining about anything and everything...and Kevin just being his general inappropriate self....soooo i text biff who is sitting across from me just taking in this whole situation....that i am going home...so we leave...where he tells me he will "give me a ride home"...on his beach cruiser...so i sit on the handlebars...and by god, god was on my side that night bc i immediately got off knowing that nothing good could have come from that...so since i left my shoes inside I inform biff that i will race him home...so i run..barefoot.....as in full out sprint with biff biking next to me back to my apartment..five blocks away..in my "little ensemble of the night..."...so then we get back to my apt..and .....oh god this has the potential to be awkward...
But alas...it really wasn't.....i thanked biff for a fun night...i mean..what possibly could he be thinking i have no idea..so we make out like eighth graders....and i go to bed without having to order Hoboken..and pass out to Brokedown palace...( Note : no drunken texts to anyone....keep reading why.... )
So I officially survived my first ( and since there has been a second...it wasnt my last ) "matcher" meeting..lol wow i am becoming a big girl....I am so proud of myself...LOL.....Don't quite know where/what to say about biff just yet.....as my mom used to say "we'll see" ( which obvi always meant no but whatever... ) .... and this "situation" was without the work of my former shrinkie as we officially broke up months ago.....lol i think she would be equally as proud...
In other news, our good friend who has been living in SD less than one year from his last deployment is now back in the tourist friendly Iraq...pf did text me at 6:15am to let me know that he was leaving.....when i asked if he was interested in hanging out before oh i dont know he went to war for seven months..i got no response......wow that was nice...but being the big girl that i am i picked myself up and brushed off the dirt...honestly....i can seriously only laugh...at least i won't be using up his text plan for the next year!!!
Anyways.....I also don't think there will be anymore "seanie poo poo" run ins...since our one and only sober mini hello convo last month...as my myspace creeping has informed me that he is now a home owner in downtown san diego...so def no more gym or pb run ins...oh well......this move is just saving me from a potential tragic mistake..
And finally I bet many of you were wondering why i haven't been talking about mini's impeding sd departure...oopsie did i forget to mention that one MINOR detail.....ohhh that's because mary has decided that sd really isn't that ghetto and going back to live with her parents "in the real world" ..would be worse...so she will be remaining in SD until August 01st..ohhhh "grown up world" beware...Mary is here.....so that obvi makes me beyond happy and should make you all very excited to know that more entertaining blogs will be coming this summer.....
Sunday, March 30, 2008
I should have known....
Wow....I shouldn't have jumped the gun last week and blogged for the mere sake of full filling requests....I should have just waited and KNOWN that I was due for a "run in"...I mean it had been a while....and what a "run in" it was...
However we have to discuss this week at work..we have two pressing matters...one I can't really deliberate on..for fear of retaliation...but lets just say...one of my employees is NOT a fan of me...like at all..smirk...this is going to make for a fascinating blog at a later date..but unfortunately i seriously cannot discuss the matter just yet as the homegirl already has a lawsuit going on against her former employer..sweet.....sooooooooooo in other news...I am going to Portland Oregon. ( where we are based out of ) ..why you ask??? ohhhh in the ironies of all ironies...there was some "store manager contest" for the month of March at work...I sincerely didn't think I would ever win and originally had never even really read the communication regarding the contest.....it was something like "the store manager in the company who is the highest percentage over plan" gets an all expense paid trip to Portland to meet with the Corporate offices...( fun...NOT )....well you gotta love LA JOLLA for having an early spring break this year....BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN SO OUTOFCONTROL busy this past month...so busy in fact ..that gasp I won...once I saw that I had a legit chance of winning this so called contest about two weeks ago, i won't lie...i being Brooke took it one step further and would email the Corporate offices things such as "Cant wait to see you! Will my ticket be first class?"...so I find out today that alas I am going....I find it rather amusing that I am actually going...I am probs the most UN " insert company name" store manager they have...I mean I love my job...but have no desire to move up....in fact I just wrote that on my review..( and i wonder?! )....I like my little store on my little street with my little crazy girls....no need to mess with anything else....sooooooooooo i can hardly wait to go to Portland this month....bc we all know what happened the first time i was there for a meeting...but lets just say it involved my only ever strip club experience...
ANYWAYS, so i was due to go out this weekend...as i hadn't since St. PATRICKS day...soooo low and behold i couldn't deciede on any of the eighty million pairs of jeans I own and went with the tube dress and boots..always an easy slutty choice....soooooooooo mini and i start out a bar for a bday party..where we start singing lines from Just Friends...then Mini and I depart by our lonesomes..( why oh why is this always the case ) and attempt to get into another bar...Sooo what happens next?? The bouncer at the door gives Mary a sobriety test...yes you read that correctly....The bouncer gave mary a sobriety test...( is this a new practice or something in CA?? ) ..he had her hold up her hands to indicate a stop signal...and then say "1234 , 4321..." he made her do this twice...which obvi she couldn't do the stop signal....so much to her dismay she wasn't allowed in...not before having the line give her a hearty applause.....and mary was legit upset bc she got the 1234, 4321 correct!!!..so where do we go next?? the peanut bar obvi...
So we sit down where i start to order her water...i come back to find her eating someone elses' french fries..no literally the people before us apparently didn't finish their fries..and so mary was eating them...lol....we stay for probs about an hour and are leaving to go home.....after having a few frosty beverages in the interim...
When who is in line...none of than pat mf f of course.......so instead of going home which would probs have been best for all involved at this point.....we go back inside...and i attempt to talk to him...which he entertained for about one hot second..he didn't want anything to do with me...shocker...so then my other friend Kaytee comes to meet us at the bar and I point out pat mf f...and she being crazy Kaytee goes up to him to "make a new friend"...yah well..... i then heard her launch about what a great person i am,how 'great' i am, etc.... he mentions his gf or finance...yah thats right...Kaytee cant remember which one he said....classic...that would make sense......i mean is she the reason he avoids my incessant Saturday night calls and texts?? and better yet who is she?
so now it's really time to go...oh wait who is there? why the 23 year old of course...ugh dear god....we talked because i have the pics to prove it..about what, i'm not sure.....but i do remember throwing in something about his gf wearing crocs..............and people i had sworn to myself that i would never say that to him...whatever...
so i somehow get home...call Hoboken obvi...and while waiting for Hoboken...who do i call...why pf course..not once, not twice...but yes lucky number six times.....
This is not my life....
However we have to discuss this week at work..we have two pressing matters...one I can't really deliberate on..for fear of retaliation...but lets just say...one of my employees is NOT a fan of me...like at all..smirk...this is going to make for a fascinating blog at a later date..but unfortunately i seriously cannot discuss the matter just yet as the homegirl already has a lawsuit going on against her former employer..sweet.....sooooooooooo in other news...I am going to Portland Oregon. ( where we are based out of ) ..why you ask??? ohhhh in the ironies of all ironies...there was some "store manager contest" for the month of March at work...I sincerely didn't think I would ever win and originally had never even really read the communication regarding the contest.....it was something like "the store manager in the company who is the highest percentage over plan" gets an all expense paid trip to Portland to meet with the Corporate offices...( fun...NOT )....well you gotta love LA JOLLA for having an early spring break this year....BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN SO OUTOFCONTROL busy this past month...so busy in fact ..that gasp I won...once I saw that I had a legit chance of winning this so called contest about two weeks ago, i won't lie...i being Brooke took it one step further and would email the Corporate offices things such as "Cant wait to see you! Will my ticket be first class?"...so I find out today that alas I am going....I find it rather amusing that I am actually going...I am probs the most UN " insert company name" store manager they have...I mean I love my job...but have no desire to move up....in fact I just wrote that on my review..( and i wonder?! )....I like my little store on my little street with my little crazy girls....no need to mess with anything else....sooooooooooo i can hardly wait to go to Portland this month....bc we all know what happened the first time i was there for a meeting...but lets just say it involved my only ever strip club experience...
ANYWAYS, so i was due to go out this weekend...as i hadn't since St. PATRICKS day...soooo low and behold i couldn't deciede on any of the eighty million pairs of jeans I own and went with the tube dress and boots..always an easy slutty choice....soooooooooo mini and i start out a bar for a bday party..where we start singing lines from Just Friends...then Mini and I depart by our lonesomes..( why oh why is this always the case ) and attempt to get into another bar...Sooo what happens next?? The bouncer at the door gives Mary a sobriety test...yes you read that correctly....The bouncer gave mary a sobriety test...( is this a new practice or something in CA?? ) ..he had her hold up her hands to indicate a stop signal...and then say "1234 , 4321..." he made her do this twice...which obvi she couldn't do the stop signal....so much to her dismay she wasn't allowed in...not before having the line give her a hearty applause.....and mary was legit upset bc she got the 1234, 4321 correct!!!..so where do we go next?? the peanut bar obvi...
So we sit down where i start to order her water...i come back to find her eating someone elses' french fries..no literally the people before us apparently didn't finish their fries..and so mary was eating them...lol....we stay for probs about an hour and are leaving to go home.....after having a few frosty beverages in the interim...
When who is in line...none of than pat mf f of course.......so instead of going home which would probs have been best for all involved at this point.....we go back inside...and i attempt to talk to him...which he entertained for about one hot second..he didn't want anything to do with me...shocker...so then my other friend Kaytee comes to meet us at the bar and I point out pat mf f...and she being crazy Kaytee goes up to him to "make a new friend"...yah well..... i then heard her launch about what a great person i am,how 'great' i am, etc.... he mentions his gf or finance...yah thats right...Kaytee cant remember which one he said....classic...that would make sense......i mean is she the reason he avoids my incessant Saturday night calls and texts?? and better yet who is she?
so now it's really time to go...oh wait who is there? why the 23 year old of course...ugh dear god....we talked because i have the pics to prove it..about what, i'm not sure.....but i do remember throwing in something about his gf wearing crocs..............and people i had sworn to myself that i would never say that to him...whatever...
so i somehow get home...call Hoboken obvi...and while waiting for Hoboken...who do i call...why pf course..not once, not twice...but yes lucky number six times.....
This is not my life....
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