i'mmmmm alive....i realized i haven't blogged in a while so i thought i'd sit down and entertain you all for the next ten minutes or so...yeah i know i should get a life....i pay a paid professional who tells me the same thing twice on a month on her couch...i get it people...
anyways...so i decided we should discuss my recent endeavors as a professional wedding guest and professional aunt...this past month took me "back to my roots" so to speak all the way back to wechester county ny/swanky ct........ohhh to be back in the boarding school scene....so my little "fro" was getitng hitched; obvi i was going to make this wedding...if indeed she was able to find someone there is hope for us all...lol no sers..i haven't seen her since our last blackout during our college years...i mean this was the girl who locked me in a closet for six hours one night in high school "as a joke" and the same girl who "trimmed my hair" as a favor and simultaneously informed "your head is mis-shaped"...the same girl who passed out at the Samples' concert....at the age of 16....i also remember her teaching me stick shift illegally...ohhhhh man.....
anyways so she was getting married in her backyard...the very backyard where i met the Mr. Popov ten dollar vodka when i was 16...oh man this was going to be good...soooo i realize that week that i would only know three girls at this wedding..girls who i probably harassed and pranked throughout my high school years...i was a brat..i get it..but i thought it was funny...so "fro" informs me "not to share a room because she wants me to shack up"...gezus sarah...that is SO NOT ME..i mean please...i dont hook up with strangers..loll..but she planted the idea in my head none the less....so you know where this is going....
sooooo the wedding was a nice mix of long island housewives and "young men" wearing navy and pink...sigh there ARE some things i miss living here in CA......the highlight was having the "gifts" of NY Yankees cozi's...only Sarah....anyways so after polishing of a bottle of wine...( when in rome.... ) someone asks me for a cigarette ( quitting tomorrow remember? ) i say no since i only have one...then obvi feel badly ( insert cronic guilt = please refer again to paid professionals' couch ) then give him one...introduce myself to "kevin"...what is it with "kevins?"....he then asks if i have a pen..to which i respond "do i look like a CVS?"....."kevin" needs a pen to sign some documents regarding grannys' property...i am like "huh what the f? are you taking grannys home from her?" sooo after a painful bumpy backroad ride back to the hotel where the after party was being held.....i have a nightcap...i mean one bottle of wine should be enough don't you think...but noooo not me, i'm in rare form.....so i am hanging out with "kevin" who actually is kinda silly and decide that we could make out....i mean why not....
the story might end there if he didn't ask me at 5am "have you ever seen the Real Housewives of NJ?" my response " Are you going through my phone?!" i am convinced he was reading my texts regarding this show......another quality show refered to me by my less than quality excuse of a friend Heidi.....well well well turns out "kevin colgate" is the nephew of the infamous danielle....so obvi now i can't get enough..and cannot stop with the constant questions...do you know Dina? have you met Dina? have you been to her house? but WHYYYY don't you like her?" OMG DANIELLE!!! i'm pretty sure he wished he would have kept his mouth shut by now...so approximately fifteen minutes later when i hear the snoring, let the mass texting regarding this begin! Lol i got a piece of a piece of the RH of Jersey!!
so in other news, same old same old here....due to the current economic recession Mini's room rent has increased from $69 to $169...the increase is also due to the fact that my new roomie is coming on this saturday night....yes i am picking up my new pussy from the airport!! she is here...i have only waited six months for this....based on the pics i have been sent, she is in dire need of a haircut..and diet for that matter....but thats for her new mama ( aka MOI ) to decide....lol can't wait to meet her.....
for those of you that don't know, it's official...mini is a "grown up" now..and has new roommates...her new roomies no longer cook her meals for her or do her laundry...they are also under the age of 50 too....oh mary no more mama and papa...she is a city girl now....which is good and bad...now she has more "free time" after work since she is no longer commuting....aka her alks consumption is increasingly expanding...
ohhh and last night was Heidi's big old bday..nothing too outrageous to report..you know the usual....typical shore club shenanigans...heidi falling in the middle of the road...being denied admittance into bubs.....me inappropriately texting any and all males in my phone...and then riding home on purple ana and while trying to order pizza from papa johns..( i was too late mind you )...
you know the usual crap in my life people...sorry this blog is on the shorter side...but i am busy "kitty proofing" the ljb...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment