well well well..it's official..i'm an adult...wait..dont they say that when you turn 18..or 21..or 25...so i'm a little behind....i turned 30.....and what a better way to celebrate than none other than the lions den now politely called the 'wolf pack' in the one and only las vegas.....
las vegas with mary mahoney ( mini ) helen kaiser and joanna cuntoudakis...and mt and her entourage...this possibly cant be a good thing......like at all.....i get nervous just thinking about it..
i dont have enough time nor do you have the shock value to hear all the detailed stories of the trip...so i'll 'blog' some of the more memorable stories.....specifically the ones i remember the most...sooooo i guess i'll take us to the first night...scratch that...lets get to me waking up on saturday morning...i arise at 7:30 am..having gone to bed FIRST at a mild 4:30am by my lonesome..i am in the bed with joanie..when what is this i spy..oh must be mini coming out of the jacuzzi with 'Al' saying ( and i quote ) 'we just took a bubble bath.'...okay lemme grab a slice of pizza from the room service that i must? have passed out on last night first as i see it just sitting there untouched next to the bed.......wait a minute where's helen...( details details ) ... as a group we all re awake at a mere 12:30 noon and helen is back...i guess she took a mini trip to asia...but that's her story to talk about....so then comes mary and Al into our bed where the five of us giggle and discuss completely 'adult' type of things....however my biggest concern was what mary used to get the actual bubbles ...since the hotel does not supply bubble bath...as she said "i just poured all the mini shampoo and conditioner bottles in there and it just "made" bubbles...interesting to note for future reference...she also said that if you pour the entire bottles into the jacuzzi you will get "lots and lots" of bubble.....back to "Al' with the thickest Bronx accent....i mean four girls and 'Al' in one bed, being rather intrusive to a complete stranger...asking him very detailed questions....like 'how old were you when you lost your V?' ......but i gotta admit, he loved it.....in fact he loved it so much, he stayed in the bed for two hours....so then we finally get some grub, re nap...and then re arise for 'the big night'...
we start our night at the infamous Thunder From Down Under show....these male hotties have worse dancing skills than Club Med..but they sure were nice to look at....after this rowdy show...we head over to the Palms to meet MT and gang and went to Rain...super fun people...trapeze, fire, fog..tons of drinks...this is NOT club med...this is las vegas....
i spy the hottie in the striped polo...i then decide "i was going to make out with him" ( remember i am officially not 30 at the time, so i can still be childish )..... anyways i meet "dan" aka cornell...obvi he is from NJ went to cornell lived in boston for four years and now lives in ca..obvi my type of boy......but as i said "oh shoot you went to cornell, you are def smarter than me"....so anyways the night progresses on...and in my little head i am thinking of minis' bubblebath...wth? I want a bubblebath!!!!!...but alas the disney length of a line for a cab back to the mgm deterred that idea....soooo lets just say that the walk of shame in a semi wet dress at 6:30am through the palms was the low point in my trip...but I did acknowledge this to the doorman "i know, my dad would not be so proud of me right now"...but my dad wasn't there....and my girls back at the mgm would be proud of me..as i stormed in at 7am and told the girls AND Al of course..."aren't you so proud of me? i took my FIRST co-ed shower" ....i'll show them....lol....i mean it only took 29 years and to be in vegas....bahahaha....i realize people do this all the time..but come on...i'm "sensitive'...( note : my 40 co pays to shrinkie clearly aren't working... )
the trip continues on in rare form as joanie and helen decide to drink at the lazy river during the day on sunday....i could not participate as we all know how well i do with day drinking....it turns into sunday night when we realize that joanie has been rather mia since the morning...where could she be....nooooo....she couldn't have taken a mini visit to canada could she have...again this is not my story to tell....but lets just say joanie was 'learning geography'....tsk tsk
the trip officially ended up with a night out to Excess at the wynn....sans joanie ( she was too bruised? ) and mary not attending...yes you read that correctly...mary mahoney did NOT come out with us...as she was being 'responsible' and had to wake up at 4am to get her flight to go to her big girls' job back in sf....i agree people, she too is growing up.....
so thats the brief summary of las vegas...it's missing small details such as a shattered skyy bottle...a mile walk to get to our hotel suite ( every single time ) ..... a broken slot machine....joanie 'not using anyone for vodka'..as if she drank absolut...according to her, she doesn't even LIKE absolut......69 dollar bar tabs...."fassing ",. "BBHJs"....( if you would like to know what these abbrevs stand for and dont already know, please text me ).....helen's naked body everywhere....but these my friends are just minor details....sigh, i heart my friends...
thats all i got....in other mundane details of my life...now that i am officially 30 i guess the body truly starts to fall apart...as i went to a podiatrist yesterday...where not only did i get a cortisone shot...and may have slumped to the floor as a result ( i quote the Dr ) "you just have low blood sugar"....me "um you think? you don't even know"....but wtf you just injected steroids into my heel and you expect me to be okay with this...oh wait i opted to do this....but the highlight of yesterdays' visit was "you have arthritis in your big toe"....i burst out laughing, "um is that even possible?" you can get arthritis in your big toe?? i'm pretty sure that this has happened to me...because of my classic prank call line "will you rub my big toe real nice?" ...so i guess this gives my nickname of GMA a whole new meaning...fml....
so excuse me while i head to bed on this friday night with my kittie....and plan on waking up early to see if i am able to walk without a limp tomorrow and attempt to run a race on sunday..which i so eloquently have prepared for in these past three weeks by going to vegas....smoking cigs....and drinking wine....and blatantly not running........
run forrest run.....
omg speaking of forrest.....never mind...i'll blog that one later...but lets just say sd is 'run in' free from p mf forrest.....
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Real Housewife...of my kitty
i'mmmmm alive....i realized i haven't blogged in a while so i thought i'd sit down and entertain you all for the next ten minutes or so...yeah i know i should get a life....i pay a paid professional who tells me the same thing twice on a month on her couch...i get it people...
anyways...so i decided we should discuss my recent endeavors as a professional wedding guest and professional aunt...this past month took me "back to my roots" so to speak all the way back to wechester county ny/swanky ct........ohhh to be back in the boarding school scene....so my little "fro" was getitng hitched; obvi i was going to make this wedding...if indeed she was able to find someone there is hope for us all...lol no sers..i haven't seen her since our last blackout during our college years...i mean this was the girl who locked me in a closet for six hours one night in high school "as a joke" and the same girl who "trimmed my hair" as a favor and simultaneously informed "your head is mis-shaped"...the same girl who passed out at the Samples' concert....at the age of 16....i also remember her teaching me stick shift illegally...ohhhhh man.....
anyways so she was getting married in her backyard...the very backyard where i met the Mr. Popov ten dollar vodka when i was 16...oh man this was going to be good...soooo i realize that week that i would only know three girls at this wedding..girls who i probably harassed and pranked throughout my high school years...i was a brat..i get it..but i thought it was funny...so "fro" informs me "not to share a room because she wants me to shack up"...gezus sarah...that is SO NOT ME..i mean please...i dont hook up with strangers..loll..but she planted the idea in my head none the less....so you know where this is going....
sooooo the wedding was a nice mix of long island housewives and "young men" wearing navy and pink...sigh there ARE some things i miss living here in CA......the highlight was having the "gifts" of NY Yankees cozi's...only Sarah....anyways so after polishing of a bottle of wine...( when in rome.... ) someone asks me for a cigarette ( quitting tomorrow remember? ) i say no since i only have one...then obvi feel badly ( insert cronic guilt = please refer again to paid professionals' couch ) then give him one...introduce myself to "kevin"...what is it with "kevins?"....he then asks if i have a pen..to which i respond "do i look like a CVS?"....."kevin" needs a pen to sign some documents regarding grannys' property...i am like "huh what the f? are you taking grannys home from her?" sooo after a painful bumpy backroad ride back to the hotel where the after party was being held.....i have a nightcap...i mean one bottle of wine should be enough don't you think...but noooo not me, i'm in rare form.....so i am hanging out with "kevin" who actually is kinda silly and decide that we could make out....i mean why not....
the story might end there if he didn't ask me at 5am "have you ever seen the Real Housewives of NJ?" my response " Are you going through my phone?!" i am convinced he was reading my texts regarding this show......another quality show refered to me by my less than quality excuse of a friend Heidi.....well well well turns out "kevin colgate" is the nephew of the infamous danielle....so obvi now i can't get enough..and cannot stop with the constant questions...do you know Dina? have you met Dina? have you been to her house? but WHYYYY don't you like her?" OMG DANIELLE!!! i'm pretty sure he wished he would have kept his mouth shut by now...so approximately fifteen minutes later when i hear the snoring, let the mass texting regarding this begin! Lol i got a piece of a piece of the RH of Jersey!!
so in other news, same old same old here....due to the current economic recession Mini's room rent has increased from $69 to $169...the increase is also due to the fact that my new roomie is coming on this saturday night....yes i am picking up my new pussy from the airport!! she is here...i have only waited six months for this....based on the pics i have been sent, she is in dire need of a haircut..and diet for that matter....but thats for her new mama ( aka MOI ) to decide....lol can't wait to meet her.....
for those of you that don't know, it's official...mini is a "grown up" now..and has new roommates...her new roomies no longer cook her meals for her or do her laundry...they are also under the age of 50 too....oh mary no more mama and papa...she is a city girl now....which is good and bad...now she has more "free time" after work since she is no longer commuting....aka her alks consumption is increasingly expanding...
ohhh and last night was Heidi's big old bday..nothing too outrageous to report..you know the usual....typical shore club shenanigans...heidi falling in the middle of the road...being denied admittance into bubs.....me inappropriately texting any and all males in my phone...and then riding home on purple ana and while trying to order pizza from papa johns..( i was too late mind you )...
you know the usual crap in my life people...sorry this blog is on the shorter side...but i am busy "kitty proofing" the ljb...
anyways...so i decided we should discuss my recent endeavors as a professional wedding guest and professional aunt...this past month took me "back to my roots" so to speak all the way back to wechester county ny/swanky ct........ohhh to be back in the boarding school scene....so my little "fro" was getitng hitched; obvi i was going to make this wedding...if indeed she was able to find someone there is hope for us all...lol no sers..i haven't seen her since our last blackout during our college years...i mean this was the girl who locked me in a closet for six hours one night in high school "as a joke" and the same girl who "trimmed my hair" as a favor and simultaneously informed "your head is mis-shaped"...the same girl who passed out at the Samples' concert....at the age of 16....i also remember her teaching me stick shift illegally...ohhhhh man.....
anyways so she was getting married in her backyard...the very backyard where i met the Mr. Popov ten dollar vodka when i was 16...oh man this was going to be good...soooo i realize that week that i would only know three girls at this wedding..girls who i probably harassed and pranked throughout my high school years...i was a brat..i get it..but i thought it was funny...so "fro" informs me "not to share a room because she wants me to shack up"...gezus sarah...that is SO NOT ME..i mean please...i dont hook up with strangers..loll..but she planted the idea in my head none the less....so you know where this is going....
sooooo the wedding was a nice mix of long island housewives and "young men" wearing navy and pink...sigh there ARE some things i miss living here in CA......the highlight was having the "gifts" of NY Yankees cozi's...only Sarah....anyways so after polishing of a bottle of wine...( when in rome.... ) someone asks me for a cigarette ( quitting tomorrow remember? ) i say no since i only have one...then obvi feel badly ( insert cronic guilt = please refer again to paid professionals' couch ) then give him one...introduce myself to "kevin"...what is it with "kevins?"....he then asks if i have a pen..to which i respond "do i look like a CVS?"....."kevin" needs a pen to sign some documents regarding grannys' property...i am like "huh what the f? are you taking grannys home from her?" sooo after a painful bumpy backroad ride back to the hotel where the after party was being held.....i have a nightcap...i mean one bottle of wine should be enough don't you think...but noooo not me, i'm in rare form.....so i am hanging out with "kevin" who actually is kinda silly and decide that we could make out....i mean why not....
the story might end there if he didn't ask me at 5am "have you ever seen the Real Housewives of NJ?" my response " Are you going through my phone?!" i am convinced he was reading my texts regarding this show......another quality show refered to me by my less than quality excuse of a friend Heidi.....well well well turns out "kevin colgate" is the nephew of the infamous danielle....so obvi now i can't get enough..and cannot stop with the constant questions...do you know Dina? have you met Dina? have you been to her house? but WHYYYY don't you like her?" OMG DANIELLE!!! i'm pretty sure he wished he would have kept his mouth shut by now...so approximately fifteen minutes later when i hear the snoring, let the mass texting regarding this begin! Lol i got a piece of a piece of the RH of Jersey!!
so in other news, same old same old here....due to the current economic recession Mini's room rent has increased from $69 to $169...the increase is also due to the fact that my new roomie is coming on this saturday night....yes i am picking up my new pussy from the airport!! she is here...i have only waited six months for this....based on the pics i have been sent, she is in dire need of a haircut..and diet for that matter....but thats for her new mama ( aka MOI ) to decide....lol can't wait to meet her.....
for those of you that don't know, it's official...mini is a "grown up" now..and has new roommates...her new roomies no longer cook her meals for her or do her laundry...they are also under the age of 50 too....oh mary no more mama and papa...she is a city girl now....which is good and bad...now she has more "free time" after work since she is no longer commuting....aka her alks consumption is increasingly expanding...
ohhh and last night was Heidi's big old bday..nothing too outrageous to report..you know the usual....typical shore club shenanigans...heidi falling in the middle of the road...being denied admittance into bubs.....me inappropriately texting any and all males in my phone...and then riding home on purple ana and while trying to order pizza from papa johns..( i was too late mind you )...
you know the usual crap in my life people...sorry this blog is on the shorter side...but i am busy "kitty proofing" the ljb...
Friday, February 20, 2009
Meow takes on a new meaning...meow
whoa babes.......yah yah yah i'm alive....so i haven't blogged...but wtf do you want? i've been "hibernating" again....aka eating my feelings...lol oh to live in CA and have EDs be so widely accepted...oh don't knock it.....you know who you are...and i know what you do or don't eat..lol
anyways fing slutty gretchy has been texting me incessantly to finally post a blog...wth..it's not my fault she is just now finding out how very boring office life is....i tried to warn her..but no, no one listens to GMA....
sooo i took a peeksie back and saw i hadn't blogged since July...go figure....i'm not sure wth gretchy would like me to talk about..it's been a while....damn the old skool Mini days seem like eons ago..well they were...time flys when you realize that today you are officially closer to turning 30..than you are 29..who me? upset...nah never....but literally yesterday i was officially 29.5 years old..hahaha..but anyways no ADD with this blog..lets discuss Mini's first visit back to SD....
She comes in November and obvi it's a party...people come out of the woodworks for her....i swear to you..but anyways a few drinks..or ten later....a run in occurs..no i'm being serious about this...OBVI a run in occurs..why wouldnt one? mary is here, and well it's me...i have bad luck..who do we see? ohhh why "dwight"...obvi his name is not dwight...but alas it is to be his new nickname..as in dwight from the office, since well they kinda remind me of one another...anyways i know dwight through biff...and dwight and i have mutual friends in the Bean..so we have been 'mature' since our initial meeting last summer at sandbar...for as 'mature' as two east coasters living in alcoholic induced SD can be...which pretty much means we have made out drunk, and dd one another each and every saturday night we go out....i should note i am not interested...i really only smooched him in the hopes biff would find out..and what? be jealous...pshhh..he wouldn't care..he's practically married to an unemployed 35 yr old...who me bitter? nah never...and i have facebook to thank for keeping me abreast on their status....but anyways so we see him at the fine establishment of Longboards in pb.....and mary naturally sidles up with his friend and i think? i suspect? shots were immediately bought..idk.,,,,any type of 'run in' after midnight can NOT be good....the next thing i remember we are walking to Dwights...and mary and friend leave??? and i am left alone with dwight...wtf...suddenly i dont feel so well...( no sers ) i try to pass out on the couch downstairs..but dwight aint having it..he really should have left me alone...next thing i know...we are making out...and i REALLY dont feel well...so i go into the bathroom where i proceed to 'give back' my drinks.....err yah this is bad...i puke all over his sink....three times...yet somehow think its kinda? sorta? funny...get back into bed...and pass out...and yes i just mentioned i was going to be 30 this year...this is the behavior of a 21 year old..anyways in the morning, dwight is being funny but serious when he asks me to clean his sink....i glare at him and inform him "i am NOT cleaning that" and i cackle...but hey could i get a ride home?? and letsbehonest, i wasn't even awkward..because i think i was still drunk....and hey where was mary now that i think about it...
sooo good to have my little angel back in san diego.....with regard to my mini she also came back in January....and for her five nights on her two visits back here ( one in Nov and one in Jan ) she has yet to spend the night with anyone who she knew here originally..ie. she was making 'new friends' each night back here in sd!!.....smirk :)
anyways in other news, i still have the same job..it will be three years..i know right...my longest job ever..but thanks to the recession, no one can afford expensive workout wear so it makes my job that much more boring...
being a homeowner is...interesting??...interesting bc i can no longer call the apt complex to come fix my clogged toilet ( whatever, i admit it i have a love affair with toilet paper ), or learn how to drain my own sink, etc etc etc...and the list really does go on....oh don't knock it, like you would know how to fix a broken breaker??? i suppose we could talk about the decor ( or utter lack their of ) of the LJB...i would probably be itching to move to a new city based on my prior history at this juncture of my life, but oh wait i have a 30 year mortgage..and will be here till i'm 59...no comment.....in my next blog i will discuss 'my neighbor' and our current situation..thanks to the wise words of annie she informed me 'not to shit in my own bed'...so while we flirt..and i somehow got so nervous and hit my car ( damage over a $1000 in front of him ) .. i will follow this advice..for the moment...but yes folks i'm into my neighbor....and i think? he may be into me...despite my poor parking skills..but whatever...that will have to be for another blog...
Besides i'm cautious about bringing anyone here...especially when i will have a new fat cat...no you are not blind...i am getting a cat...i never thought i would be saying this or actually going through with it..but wth..desperate times call for desperate measures...now the irony of the situation is that i did some research serious as in research about the cats...i dont want to bore you all with the details but girls with allergies cant be choosers......and so i finally found a breeder and passed the 'pussy allergy test'.....and gasp i am getting a kitten from Mamma named Aremenda..for some reason i deciede i want to see what daddy kitty looks like..and i found my kittys daddy online...i kid you not, the cat is literally 30 plus pounds...NO SERS...its true.....i had tears in my eyes when i saw kitty daddy....like it weighs more than the pug that i have so desperately always wanted....errr anyways....bahaha...worst case scenario, i have an arrangement and i have someone who will take care of her if her need be...smirk . i know a cat..and a fat cat none the less..i always wanted a scrawny plain white one..there goes that idea!!!...yah i see it now : a single 30 year old who lives alone...buys FAT CAT... i might as well stamp : WARNING clear across my forehead...ughhhh but wth..my shrinkie supports this..yah yah yah i HAD to start seeing her again...she shouldn't have 'left me to my own devices' for a year...bc then maybs i wouldn't be in this desperate situation...lol.....
so that's all i've got for the moment....i really wrote this for Grettchy....i promise i will post another one shortly...ohhhhhh fair enough..i'll post another just as soon as i call back pf...who people i must inform you all is moving...to North Carolina.....but no worries not until the end of the summer, so that gives me half a year to be a complete a**hole....and truly put an end to the ten year run.....i mean it started when i was 19 and soon i will be 30......meow..
anyways fing slutty gretchy has been texting me incessantly to finally post a blog...wth..it's not my fault she is just now finding out how very boring office life is....i tried to warn her..but no, no one listens to GMA....
sooo i took a peeksie back and saw i hadn't blogged since July...go figure....i'm not sure wth gretchy would like me to talk about..it's been a while....damn the old skool Mini days seem like eons ago..well they were...time flys when you realize that today you are officially closer to turning 30..than you are 29..who me? upset...nah never....but literally yesterday i was officially 29.5 years old..hahaha..but anyways no ADD with this blog..lets discuss Mini's first visit back to SD....
She comes in November and obvi it's a party...people come out of the woodworks for her....i swear to you..but anyways a few drinks..or ten later....a run in occurs..no i'm being serious about this...OBVI a run in occurs..why wouldnt one? mary is here, and well it's me...i have bad luck..who do we see? ohhh why "dwight"...obvi his name is not dwight...but alas it is to be his new nickname..as in dwight from the office, since well they kinda remind me of one another...anyways i know dwight through biff...and dwight and i have mutual friends in the Bean..so we have been 'mature' since our initial meeting last summer at sandbar...for as 'mature' as two east coasters living in alcoholic induced SD can be...which pretty much means we have made out drunk, and dd one another each and every saturday night we go out....i should note i am not interested...i really only smooched him in the hopes biff would find out..and what? be jealous...pshhh..he wouldn't care..he's practically married to an unemployed 35 yr old...who me bitter? nah never...and i have facebook to thank for keeping me abreast on their status....but anyways so we see him at the fine establishment of Longboards in pb.....and mary naturally sidles up with his friend and i think? i suspect? shots were immediately bought..idk.,,,,any type of 'run in' after midnight can NOT be good....the next thing i remember we are walking to Dwights...and mary and friend leave??? and i am left alone with dwight...wtf...suddenly i dont feel so well...( no sers ) i try to pass out on the couch downstairs..but dwight aint having it..he really should have left me alone...next thing i know...we are making out...and i REALLY dont feel well...so i go into the bathroom where i proceed to 'give back' my drinks.....err yah this is bad...i puke all over his sink....three times...yet somehow think its kinda? sorta? funny...get back into bed...and pass out...and yes i just mentioned i was going to be 30 this year...this is the behavior of a 21 year old..anyways in the morning, dwight is being funny but serious when he asks me to clean his sink....i glare at him and inform him "i am NOT cleaning that" and i cackle...but hey could i get a ride home?? and letsbehonest, i wasn't even awkward..because i think i was still drunk....and hey where was mary now that i think about it...
sooo good to have my little angel back in san diego.....with regard to my mini she also came back in January....and for her five nights on her two visits back here ( one in Nov and one in Jan ) she has yet to spend the night with anyone who she knew here originally..ie. she was making 'new friends' each night back here in sd!!.....smirk :)
anyways in other news, i still have the same job..it will be three years..i know right...my longest job ever..but thanks to the recession, no one can afford expensive workout wear so it makes my job that much more boring...
being a homeowner is...interesting??...interesting bc i can no longer call the apt complex to come fix my clogged toilet ( whatever, i admit it i have a love affair with toilet paper ), or learn how to drain my own sink, etc etc etc...and the list really does go on....oh don't knock it, like you would know how to fix a broken breaker??? i suppose we could talk about the decor ( or utter lack their of ) of the LJB...i would probably be itching to move to a new city based on my prior history at this juncture of my life, but oh wait i have a 30 year mortgage..and will be here till i'm 59...no comment.....in my next blog i will discuss 'my neighbor' and our current situation..thanks to the wise words of annie she informed me 'not to shit in my own bed'...so while we flirt..and i somehow got so nervous and hit my car ( damage over a $1000 in front of him ) .. i will follow this advice..for the moment...but yes folks i'm into my neighbor....and i think? he may be into me...despite my poor parking skills..but whatever...that will have to be for another blog...
Besides i'm cautious about bringing anyone here...especially when i will have a new fat cat...no you are not blind...i am getting a cat...i never thought i would be saying this or actually going through with it..but wth..desperate times call for desperate measures...now the irony of the situation is that i did some research serious as in research about the cats...i dont want to bore you all with the details but girls with allergies cant be choosers......and so i finally found a breeder and passed the 'pussy allergy test'.....and gasp i am getting a kitten from Mamma named Aremenda..for some reason i deciede i want to see what daddy kitty looks like..and i found my kittys daddy online...i kid you not, the cat is literally 30 plus pounds...NO SERS...its true.....i had tears in my eyes when i saw kitty daddy....like it weighs more than the pug that i have so desperately always wanted....errr anyways....bahaha...worst case scenario, i have an arrangement and i have someone who will take care of her if her need be...smirk . i know a cat..and a fat cat none the less..i always wanted a scrawny plain white one..there goes that idea!!!...yah i see it now : a single 30 year old who lives alone...buys FAT CAT... i might as well stamp : WARNING clear across my forehead...ughhhh but wth..my shrinkie supports this..yah yah yah i HAD to start seeing her again...she shouldn't have 'left me to my own devices' for a year...bc then maybs i wouldn't be in this desperate situation...lol.....
so that's all i've got for the moment....i really wrote this for Grettchy....i promise i will post another one shortly...ohhhhhh fair enough..i'll post another just as soon as i call back pf...who people i must inform you all is moving...to North Carolina.....but no worries not until the end of the summer, so that gives me half a year to be a complete a**hole....and truly put an end to the ten year run.....i mean it started when i was 19 and soon i will be 30......meow..
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